Category Archives: Uncategorized

Stephen King is Still Alive

File Photo- Stephen King

 

Today I learned that Stephen King is still alive.

It was by accident as I happened to be reading a story regarding the Impeachment of Donald J. Trump and the very real possibility that some Democrats may not vote in favor of all or any of the charges/articles being presented to the Legislature for consideration.
Apparently Jared Golden (D-ME) has voiced the intent to vote for only one of the articles. Being that “ME” stands for Maine and that is where Mr. King is buried… sorry, not yet buried as of today… it hit close to home so to speak.
It turns out that President Trump’s use of power to dismantle 70 years of socialist utopian enterprise is offensive to Mr. King and as far as Mr. King is concerned represents an abuse of power. It also seems that Mr. King is in favor of U.S. Politicians forcing foreign companies to install their family members onto Boards of Directors which supply annual incomes in exchange for influence in U.S. policymaking. And because of this Mr. King recognized that President Trump’s request to investigate such behavior in the spirit of positive cooperation between the United States and Ukraine is clearly extortion on the part of President Trump.
All of that being said, Mr. King is adamant that Representative Golden (D-ME) vote for BOTH articles of impeachment because this Anti-Socialist Tyrant in the White House must be stopped.  If Rep. Golden decides not to do so, Mr. King has promised to unleash the fury of the undead masses to defeat him during the next election cycle.
I feel sorry for Rep. Golden. It is an impossible task to suddenly have to fend off a preternatural enemy from the grave… no, sorry again… from some creepy isolated locale hidden in the snowy woods where even birds dare not fly…
I wish you luck, Jared.
If you suddenly see Kathy Bates, anywhere, contact the authorities.
As to Stephen King, I will add him back into the pool.


Over the Hill and Through the Woods…

…to the Drunk Uncle’s House we go.

It’s that time of year again. Seems like it was just last year…

Occasionally I like to share certain things allowing a brief glimpse into my exceptionally average life. This year it will be the formula for my Turkey… which is my responsibility. I’m not complaining, it allows me to support some sense of sanity.

(Note: I have no issue killing Turkey’s.  It’s the heinous acts perpetrated upon them after they’re dead that I’m trying to stop.  You people are sick.)

Enjoy.

So Easy it Should be Illegal Turkey, Stuffing and Gravy.

Start gathering the below crap together FIRST…

Day before ingredients:

Brine:

2 cups Salt

½ cup Sugar

Thing to put Turkey in overnight:

(1) Large portable, sealable container

Day of Turkey ingredients:

(1) 12-15 pound Turkey w/giblets

String

BIG Roasting Pan – the Aluminum throw away ones are fine. You typically get 3 to a pack… so you can make hats out of the other two. Perfect!

3 – 12oz. cans Chicken Stock, or bullion, or make your own from the chicken in your neighbor’s yard. I’ve done all three and other than time… effort… and years of lying about what happened to the chickens, it’s all about the same.

1-stick butter (soft)

½ cup O.J.

1-sliced apple

5-sprigs Thyme

5-sprigs Rosemary

5-sprigs Sage

3-sprigs Savory

5-peeled carrots

2-medium onions or 4 large shallots chopped

2-cups chopped Celery

6-slices bacon

Day of Gravy ingredients:

2-shot’s Dry Sherry

1-pint whipping/heavy cream (optional)

2-tablespoon’s Corn Starch or a “cold rue” which is just equal parts butter and flour mashed together until you get a paste. I find the rue easier to use.

2-clove’s Garlic

1-teaspoon Ground Paprika, deepens the flavor and helps make the gravy yellow.

Day of Stuffing ingredients:

2-bags Pepperidge Farms Stuffing (Any variety… I like Country) I know it’s cheating… and? (If you want to dry out your own bread, OK. Cube it and dust it with garlic salt and Sage/Thyme/Rosemary then bake till hard, dry and slightly brown.) By the time you’re done with the above cubing, dusting and baking you could have bought the bags, spent less money and time with nobody being any wiser. There’s plenty of work ahead for everybody to be impressed.

Gather all of this stuff around you within easy reach FIRST. It will go much faster and you’ll remember everything when you need to remember it.

Day before instructions:

Step 1.  Pour 2 cups Salt and ½ cup Sugar into the container. Add water to dissolve.

Step 2. Place thawed Turkey (with giblets still in neck cavity) into the container.

Step 3.  Cover with water completely and seal/close the container. (Yes, I know it floats.)

Step 4. Place the container outside, if not below freezing, overnight. If it’s freezing, then put it in the garage. The object is to keep the Turkey COLD so nobody dies… there is no point in killing anybody, at least on Thanksgiving. Don’t worry too much, I’ve done this for 20 years and never killed anybody, yet… on Thanksgiving… day… before 5pm… except that once…

Day of Turkey Instructions:

Step 1.  Remove all but a lower rack in Oven. Pre-heat to 250 degrees.

Step 2.  Remove Turkey from container and drain well. Remove giblets (That’s all the gut’s stuffed inside which they have helpfully enclosed in a blood soaked bag.) and put into pot on stove. (We’ll come back to them) Pat dry the Turkey with paper towels. This will make it crisp. I’ve seen people use a hair-dryer… if you’re so inclined. If you choose to do this, adopt a 1000-yard stare and don’t explain it to anybody.  It makes Thanksgiving so much more fun when they think you’re insane.

Step 3. In large Roasting Pan add onion, then celery and place carrots at an angle lengthwise in pan. (i.e./////) The Turkey will sit on them keeping the Turkey off the bottom of the pan. OR, just buy a roasting rack. But that costs money and all of this was designed to just throw it away when you’re done. Your choice.

Step 4.  Add 3 cans of Chicken Stock to pan.

Step 5.  Place Turkey in pan on top of carrots.

Step 6.  Insert/shove/massage apple slices and herb sprigs (saving a sprig of each for gravy) into Turkey cavities front and back, tie legs together with string. (The TURKEY LEGS… seriously… I worry about you people. Sometimes I think you’re being funny, other times not so much.) Now for the gourmet secret; I like bacon wrapped around the wing and leg tips to keep them from burning or browning too much. This is easier than using string that is difficult to tie and leaves marks on your bird. USE THE STRING ON THE LEGS, but then take strips of bacon and wrap it around the tips of the wing and lay directly on top of the legs. You’ll amaze your in-laws by being sooooo smart.

Step 7. Mix butter and O.J. together in a bowl. Wash your hands. (You probably should have done this earlier… but I know how you are.) Now apply mixture to the Turkey with your fingers. It should be gooey/messy but I haven’t found a better way yet. Rub it all over the Turkey. It’s very therapeutic, and you know your done when the other people in the kitchen begin to feel a bit uncomfortable. It shouldn’t take but a couple of minutes. I like a little extra salt and pepper on the outside too, but it’s up to you.

Step 8. Place it all into preheated oven. Set a timer for 1 hour for each 3-1/2 pounds of bird. Remember, this isn’t your mothers bird. We are NOT taking all this time to burn the crap out of it or dehydrate it for future generations. There is NO stuffing on the inside, thus it will cook faster at lower temperatures than usual. If anyone tries to argue with you, stab them. (Be careful not to kill them… refer to Day Before; step #4)

Step 9.  Baste this thing about every 30 minutes until the last 2 hours and while you’re in there make sure the fluid level is OK. Then, LEAVE IT ALONE. This will make it crispy. I did say leave it alone, didn’t I?

Step 10. Remove Bird and transfer to Turkey plate (the giant plate with fancy crap on it that is located in the very back of your cupboard because you haven’t used it in years… if ever. Typically a gift from much older relatives given to you when you got married with the idea that you would be possessed by Norman Rockwell and don the June Cleaver pumps and pearls. (That goes for the guys too, you know who you are.)) Remove any bits of bacon and toss back into pan. Just kind of gaze upon the bird… gently/lovingly. If you act this way the in-laws will either think you’re “in the zone” or dipping into the sherry and pain killers. Either way they will leave you alone, which can be nice during the Holidays.

Day of Gravy instructions:

Step 1.  Add water to giblets (guts) sitting on stove. Turn on to medium heat at the same time you put the Turkey in the oven and bring to a boil. You will have to periodically add water, as you are boiling these things to death. That’s the point, we are making a stock for gravy. Boil, boil, boil.

Step 2. Add left over sprigs to the pot.

Step 3. Add crushed or chopped Garlic.

Step 4. Add Dry Sherry. If you have purchased a bottle for this occasion, we’ll use relatively little of it. So go ahead and have a shot… that’s right… from the bottle. It’s OK, nobody’s looking! They do it at home too, go ahead… OK, that’s enough, put it down. PUT IT DOWN.

Step 5.  I like to add my salt here, to taste, so I don’t have to worry about it later. It also saves lives… as I don’t have to hear anybody bitch about how much salt I choose to use or not use, and then be forced to challenge Day Before; step #4.

Step 6.  Time the boiling process for it.  It should be reduced to about half of the pot when the Turkey has 30-minutes left. When the timer hits 30 minutes left on the Oven, strain the liquid and giblets (guts) from the stock. Again, set the giblets (guts) aside to cool, as you will use these for their “meat” and put it back into the gravy.

Step 7.  Put the liquid back on to boil.. Allow to simmer until it just barely starts to taste right.

Step 8.  Add Paprika and stir. It should turn yellow… right?   (No?  Throw everything away.  Just kidding… it will turn yellow.. er.)

Step 9. Dissolve cornstarch well in 1/4 cup of very cold water. Pour quickly into lightly boiling liquid. Bring back to a boil. The gravy should begin to thicken immediately with NO LUMPS. Follow my directions and NO LUMPS. If you’re using the “cold rue” then stir it in gradually with a whisk. (If you have a hand blender then screw it and dump it all in, just blend it in the pot till smooth. Then have a shot of sherry celebrating your ingenuity.)

Step 10. If satisfied with texture (if not, you can add a little more cornstarch, or rue, but don’t over do it) and the flavor, turn it to low and check occasionally. It’s ready to serve.

Step 11. (Optional) I like to peel the meat from the neck bone and chop up the giblets very small then put back into gravy. It adds a great flavor as well as texture, and improves the appearance. It’s up to you, but I recommend it.

Step 12. (Optional) If you find the relatives wanting to “share the spirit of the season” with you troubling… you may want to consider hurling the now empty Dry Sherry bottle through the closest window in a brief but explosive fit of inexplicable rage. Nothing says “Happy Thanksgiving” like the jolly sound of a loud, lone, angry voice and the merry tinkle of shattering glass. If this hits too close to home, feel free to ad-lib, just don’t mess up the food.

Day of Stuffing instructions:

Step 1.  Locate all the good stuff in the now still warm, but Turkey-less roasting pan. Remove carrots and chop. Yes I know their hot, if you can’t stand the heat get out of… I can’t remember how this quote goes but I think it ends with Sherry.  Throw chopped carrots back into pan.

Step 2.  Open packages of stuffing bread and throw (THE BREAD, NOT THE BAGS) into pan. STIR WELL ONCE! Cover with foil and leave it alone. If you fiddle with it, it will turn to mush.

I SAID NO FIDDLING. It will be ready to stir again in five minutes and serve in about 10 minutes. (I like to add an entire stick of butter and allowing it to melt prior to throwing in the bags of bread, but it’s your call.)

Well all right then… you’re finished!

Serve it up however you would like. I no longer care.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!  or, whatever…

IF IT’S STILL IN YOUR HAND, PUT THE SHERRY DOWN AND GO TALK TO THE RELATIVES, or open another bottle of Sherry and don’t talk to the relatives.  Either way is a path to something unhealthy.

We could go over potatoes but everybody has their own way of doing it and they all equally suck.

Cheers! – Mike


Joe Biden is Shovel Ready

A little somethin’ caught my eye this morning on Twitchy.  (here)

Apparently, Joe Biden decided to haze President Trump regarding infrastructure.

(Holy Mouse Turds!)  Sorry… let me put it another way… I must admit I perk up a bit when I hear this phrase as I, among many of us, thought we spent ONE TRILLION DOLLARS on infrastructure projects during the 8-year Obama/Biden Administration. This, of course, leads me to the next logical question.  WHERE THE H*LL DID THAT MONEY GO?

But Joe insists that the infrastructure is Crumbling.

I insist that it is Joe that is crumbling… as well as stumbling and bumbling.

Maybe he’s just dipped into his son’s stash?

Anyway,

Take a trip with me down memory lane and regurgitate the ever so familiar Obama talking point “Shovel Ready Jobs”.  A quick Google search of “shovel ready jobs” yields 8,160,000 articles.

Many of us here already know that money was wasted, or simply used to replenish Union Coffers to then be sent back to Democrats via campaign donations.  That’s when we realized that Shovel Ready actually related more to the process of cleaning up after your dog.  But I digress.

Very, Very, Old Joe might need to Shut the Pfluck Up…

…as he is the only thing that’s Shovel Ready.

One might begin to think that the only reason he’s running for president is the act in itself appears to provide immunity from 3rd parties investigating past sins… (Who knew?!)

I’m sure that’s not the case.


Schiffing Their Pants…

File Photo - Rep. Adam Schiff (D-CA)

File Photo – Rep. Adam Schiff (D-CA)

I’ve been paying attention to a number of talking heads today regarding the new power John Durham has been granted to file criminal charges regarding the origins of the Russia Investigation.

I’ve come to a slightly different conclusion… but only slightly.

It seems to me that the ‘behind closed doors’ tactic being employed by Rep. Adam Schiff (D-CA) is designed to create the impression the Socialists have the information they do not. (I know.  This is far, far, from an original thought.) However, I believe they are desperate to get actual info that can be used… not to impeach… but to use for a prisoner swap. They are desperately seeking leverage.

Why?

Because they are fully aware that there was indeed a conspiracy afoot, only it was orchestrated by their fellow travelers. They know that just the timelines and facts gleaned by certain news outlets are enough to file charges against a number of those loyal leftists that occupy the intelligence community here in the US and smear a number of them in communities abroad… and they have nothing to trade in order stop it.

Think about it. This current President does not subscribe to the ‘Fall on Your Sword’ mentality other ‘Conservative’ Presidents have suffered from. So the old approach of throw out a bunch of accusations until he gives up has been proven not to work. The Left has also lost the animal spirits. We, the people, just don’t believe them anymore. Even those that profess to believe the latest outrage directed at this president really know that it’s probably hogwash but getting rid of him ‘would be for the greater good’.  So #METOO!!!, Unless it’s me…

The panic at the disco is real… they’re in need of a fresh change of clothes.

What am I trying to say?

This is about more than the 2020 election.  (They know they have lost it.)  This is about Executive power over the Bureaucracy.  This is about what it really means to “Serve at the pleasure of the President”.  The Left cannot have their true believers purged from the very apparatus that keeps the country moving towards their Socialist Utopia, it’s bad enough that the Orange Man will get re-elected.  The need is immediate, the purge is happening now, which is why this pseudo-impeachment sideshow is happening now and not next year when the election is imminent.  (This is where I differ only slightly from those far smarter than I am.)  It has been accelerated exactly because nothing came from the Russia/Ukraine/Pussy Grabbing/Chinese Wall Building/Stupid Hair Flying Outrage these Beto’s have been flinging for the last 4 years.  They’ve run out of arrows.

The Socialists need something to trade in the background, in the darkness.  They need ‘prisoners’.  They got nuttin’ and they need it NOW!

They are in deep Schiff.

BTW –

Free Hong Kong!

(Shut the F*ck Up, Barkley. You’re the American Dream you ungrateful Beto.  You should wish it for every other human on the planet.)


LeBron James Changed My Mind

File Photo – LeBron James

Dear Reader, I have been remiss in my support of the Hong Kong protestors.
I am typing this today to admit that after hearing LeBron James explain it all to me I have changed my mind. We have all been there… when confronted with a superior argument one has no other recourse but to admit one’s error and adopt a new position. So you can understand what I’m talking about, Mr. James’ explanation regarding His and the NBA’s position on not supporting the Hong Kong protestors is below.  (Full link here.)

“I don’t want to get into a [verbal] feud with Daryl Morey, but I believe he wasn’t educated on the situation at hand, and he spoke,” James said before the Los Angeles Lakers played the Golden State Warriors in a preseason game at Staples Center. “And so many people could have been harmed not only financially, physically, emotionally, spiritually. So just be careful what we tweet and say and we do, even though, yes, we do have freedom of speech, but there can be a lot of negative that comes with that, too.”

– LeBron James

It’s fair to say that I occasionally fall on my sword for Freedom, Free Speech and Individual Diversity when I should be more considerate when it comes to profiting off of the systematic oppression of others.  After hearing LeBron, I realize I am the problem.  I am insensitive.  I lack empathy.

I apologize.

With that in mind, compounded with my desire to repent my uneducated, naive and misguided ways, I will capitalize on my extensive background in media and marketing. I would like to offer the NBA coaches and players a few tag lines they can apply while speaking/tweeting on this issue.

1.  Assimilate Hong Kong!

2.  Oppress Hong Kong!

3.  Enslave Hong Kong!

(Runner up: 4.  Shut up and Buy Our Shoes!)

All of the above meet the “Simple, Powerful, Direct” requirement of a solid information campaign meant to clearly communicate intent and purpose.  All three may be employed so long as they are repeated at least once at every given opportunity.  You’re welcome.

I also have a few suggestions for Tibet…  but it involves renaming the region and some of it’s inhabitants “Nike”.  The Nike Lama… The Dalai Addidas… seriously… it could work.  This pitch could also be applied to Taiwan and the Senkaku islands with minor adjustments saving China the cost of creating a fresh new campaign.  Kerrwan and the Popovich Islands has a nice ring to it…

 

 


If a Tree Falls in the Forest and No One Cares…

Does it make a sound?

Shep Smith Quits Fox News.

Free Hong Kong!


Is Reality Optional?

Apologies to doctor Sowell regarding the Title, but it does apply to his overall thesis.  If you want to know what that is just click here.

This, however, is a little diddy about Climate Apocalypse.

Of the three people who read anything here, I suspect we all have lived through each and every one of the scheduled End of World scenarios beginning with Global Nuclear War.  But for the sake of time, I want to present a bit of what is found, and linked to here, for your consideration.  (H/T to John Nolte.  Full Article HERE.)

  1. 1967: Dire Famine Forecast By 1975
  2. 1969: Everyone Will Disappear In a Cloud Of Blue Steam By 1989 (1969)
  3. 1970: Ice Age By 2000
  4. 1970: America Subject to Water Rationing By 1974 and Food Rationing By 1980
  5. 1971: New Ice Age Coming By 2020 or 2030
  6. 1972: New Ice Age By 2070
  7. 1974: Space Satellites Show New Ice Age Coming Fast
  8. 1974: Another Ice Age?
  9. 1974: Ozone Depletion a ‘Great Peril to Life
  10. 1976: Scientific Consensus Planet Cooling, Famines imminent
  11. 1980: Acid Rain Kills Life In Lakes
  12. 1978: No End in Sight to 30-Year Cooling Trend
  13. 1988: Regional Droughts (that never happened) in 1990s
  14. 1988: Temperatures in DC Will Hit Record Highs
  15. 1988: Maldive Islands will Be Underwater by 2018 (they’re not)
  16. 1989: Rising Sea Levels will Obliterate Nations if Nothing Done by 2000
  17. 1989: New York City’s West Side Highway Underwater by 2019 (it’s not)
  18. 2000: Children Won’t Know what Snow Is
  19. 2002: Famine In 10 Years If We Don’t Give Up Eating Fish, Meat, and Dairy
  20. 2004: Britain will Be Siberia by 2024
  21. 2008: Arctic will Be Ice Free by 2018
  22. 2008: Climate Genius Al Gore Predicts Ice-Free Arctic by 2013
  23. 2009: Climate Genius Prince Charles Says we Have 96 Months to Save World
  24. 2009: UK Prime Minister Says 50 Days to ‘Save The Planet From Catastrophe’
  25. 2009: Climate Genius Al Gore Moves 2013 Prediction of Ice-Free Arctic to 2014
  26. 2013: Arctic Ice-Free by 2015
  27. 2013: Arctic Ice-Free by 2016
  28. 2014: Only 500 Days Before ‘Climate Chaos’
  29. 1968: Overpopulation Will Spread Worldwide
  30. 1970: World Will Use Up All its Natural Resources
  31. 1966: Oil Gone in Ten Years
  32. 1972: Oil Depleted in 20 Years
  33. 1977: Department of Energy Says Oil will Peak in 90s
  34. 1980: Peak Oil In 2000
  35. 1996: Peak Oil in 2020
  36. 2002: Peak Oil in 2010
  37. 2005 : Manhattan Underwater by 2015
  38. 1970: Urban Citizens Will Require Gas Masks by 1985
  39. 1970: Nitrogen buildup Will Make All Land Unusable
  40. 1970: Decaying Pollution Will Kill all the Fish
  41. 1970s: Killer Bees!

For the record, I believe Climate Changes.  Were we not taught that the Appilacian Mountains were carved out by Glaciers?  Have we not accepted that the Earth has been everything from a hot gaseous ball, molten material and a world of Ice?  The question is do Humans effect it?  The answer is possibly.  But as it stands we cannot define a problem.  And, if you cannot define it then you cannot offer a cogent solution should there be one.  Additionally, if you buy into Humans killing everything they touch then there are only two solutions.  Kill all humans or Kill those humans refusing to change their behaviors in a fashion as we mentioned above has no definition.  But let’s pretend you think such beneficial behavior can be defined, like buying brand new light bulbs instead of using the ones you have until they burn out then buying ones you’re restricted to because you’re too stupid to see the benefit of cost savings over the long run… and it must be imposed upon countless millions of humans right damn now… or else.  Working from that point of view we must do three things.  1.  Convert immediately to Nuclear Power.  2.  Immediately Destroy China.  3.  Immediately Destroy India.  (Russia would be ‘on deck’ as would countless other 3rd World countries.)

Sounds fun.

The truth is that modern Socialists have co-opted the environmental movement and are using Climate Change Horror (No science, just simpathetic scientists who are conviced you’re stupid and they are not.) as a tool to convince useful idiots that the World would be a better placed if everyone just surrendered to Socialism and put them permenantly in control of Everything.  Just ask Patrick Moore, the Founder of Greenpeace.  (Better yet, read his book linked here.)  Socialism is, of course, the ideology of Force and Acceleration, not to mention Class Stasis…Call it what you will, Democratic, Progressive, Liberal, Communist, Fascist or whatever name they want to call themselves once one of the previous is assigned the appropriate stigma.  This is what we are facing, whether it’s being regurgitated by a 14 year old girl from Demark or an octigenarian ex-president of the United States.

That’s the Reality.

Is that an Option?