First… If you’re not watching tonight’s debate, you’re paying attention. Tonight is the first debate between Joe Biden and Donald Trump. That should be enough to get you to watch.
Second… there is a pre-debate going on about earpieces. Apparently, the Trump Camp asked for a third party inspection of the candidates’ ears to make sure there were no earpieces inserted allowing for outside communication which might assist the master debaters in answering questions.
So hear’s my spin: Brilliant!
This is classic political manuring. If the Biden Camp refuses then it will be assumed he has an earpiece in because he can’t supply his own answers. If they allow it, then he will be on his own upon which he will not be able to supply cogent answers.
Hear’s something to watch for; Trump can defeat the earpiece possibility by keeping all of his answers short, loud, and outrageous. The earpiece only helps 1. If you can hear it, and 2. If you have enough time to receive information before you’re expected to reply. If Trump’s answers/statements are short and loud then Biden will not be able to hear his Cyrano and even if he can he will look like he’s having a mental breakdown while he tries to figure out what is arriving in his ear while the audience awaits. Trump can just stare at him like the rest of the country waiting for him to regurgitate a response. Just a huge pregnant pause while the camera zooms in on Old Joe’s befuddled look while he’s trying desperately to concentrate… and as the train wreck progresses it will look like a cascade of errors.
So there you have it.
Category Archives: Uncategorized
Short, Loud, and Outrageous
First… If you’re not watching tonight’s debate, you’re paying attention. Tonight is the first debate between Joe Biden and Donald Trump. That should be enough to get you to watch.
The Bureaucracy Amendment
I’ve decided to address the single biggest problem we have in the United States.
I’ve proposed in the past we term limit Bureaucrats to reduce their unanswerable and unelected hold on power while returning their ‘highly advanced level of expertise’ to the private sector. My baseline suggestion remains a 6-year contract with a limit of 2 such contracts within one’s lifetime.
But I’ve also come to the conclusion there needs to be a bit more… and without question your suggestions on additional rules are welcome.
While a contract employee of the Federal Government you
Vote, Donate to or Work for any political candidates’ election or fundraising efforts.
We certainly wouldn’t want any conflict of interest.
Wear any Religious Identification.
Since we are living under a fabricated Freedom From Religion mentality it seems only appropriate. While religious symbols such as a cross, crescent moon or pentagram go without saying, this requirement will also include name tags, tattoo’s or placards displaying names; Mathew, Mark, Luke, John, Mary, Jesus or Muhammad. A longer list of names such as Judas, Simon, Peter, Paul, Michael, Sarah, etc.. will be held as reviewable and could be subject to prohibition on a case by case basis.
Opt-out of all Union Membership or Union Representation and/or compulsory dues.
Union remaining available for consideration must not be located on the North American Continent and are forbidden from any political, organizing or lobbying activities within the United States.
You will relinquish any Reasonable Expectation of Privacy.
In fact, all of your telephone/cellphone calls, e-mail, medical records, bank accounts, Facebook page and 3 degrees of all those you have had any contact with will be streamed live for anyone at any time to “scan” in order to make sure you’re not doing anything wrong. (Seems fair since that’s what you’re doing to us.)
You will not have any input regarding your salary.
The American people will get to vote online… quarterly… in order to determine and support the “fairness” of your compensation. The same will apply for the type of vehicle you will be allowed to drive and the type of home you live in. Your public utility use, required exercise and salt intake will also be managed by this same Democratic means.
You may not Eat at your or anyone else’s home.
Meals prepared within the confines of a domicile are not regulated and your work, whatever it may be, is far too important to be allowed to take such a risk. You will be eating out… a lot.
You may not Voice any dissent to the current Administration.
This shouldn’t be difficult as the odds are you were not allowed to vote anyway. But just in case, you will have to follow the same rules as our military.
You must Opt-out of the Communal Health Care System.
This is because you will be leading by example… and it can’t be fair until we all have crappy health care, Starting with You.
You must Opt-in to any Really Super-cool, and ‘Fair’, ideas you come up with and want to force on someone just to try them out.
Think of it as a “What’s Good for the Goose is Good for the Gander” clause.
Maybe New york got it Right on Corona Virus?
It seems I’m having to change my mind more often these days…
I recently hit play on Dr. Fauci’s COVID-19 segment on PBS where he says the New York Response was the correct one.
Looking at the current stats that appears to be true!
After reviewing my previous critique of Governor Cuomo and the state’s reaction to the global pandemic I feel I have to retract my strongly voiced criticism. It looks like the Governor’s approach of Early, Often and Up Front has left him the darling of the Democrats.
Gov. Cuomo’s strategy was two-fold. First, He demanded the filthy, disease-riddled, urine-soaked New York Subway system remain open specifically because those who would be in First and Direct contact with those elderly individuals possessing pre-existing conditions could get to work unobstructed. Second, by Forcing New York Nursing Homes to admit COVID-19 Positive elderly into their facilities. By doing both, the Governor was able to literally decimate the most vulnerable and likely to die from the virus…
This plan resulted in well over 30,000 lives lost almost immediately.
Early, Often and Up Front.
Once the most likely to contract and pass away from the disease had done so, the Subway was sanitized (for the first time in 100 years) and the order forcing nursing homes to admit infected elderly into their midst was rescinded.
But there is the genius.
The highest risk population most likely to contract and subsequently pass away from the disease had been dramatically reduced leaving far fewer remaining to perish from it today. Now the numbers look promising… so much so that the Governor is receiving praise from Dr. Fauci. (Is Fauci a German name? I’ll have to look into that.)
If one must judge from current lead stories emanating out of New York and landing on headlines across the country you can only end up where I am now. New York got it Right on the Corona Virus thanks to the leadership of Andrew Cuomo.
Donna Brazile Auditions for MSNBC
Donna Brazile sees an Opening at MSNBC for her own show.
With the Sudden Departure of Chris Mathews, Ms. Brazile takes an opportunity on Fox News to Audition for her own show. (Does she remember Ed Schultz?)
Link Here: https://www.breitbart.com/politics/2020/03/03/donna-brazile-meltdown-shouts-go-to-hell-at-rncs-mcdaniel-alleges-russian-talking-points/
Stephen King is Still Alive
Today I learned that Stephen King is still alive.
It was by accident as I happened to be reading a story regarding the Impeachment of Donald J. Trump and the very real possibility that some Democrats may not vote in favor of all or any of the charges/articles being presented to the Legislature for consideration.
Apparently Jared Golden (D-ME) has voiced the intent to vote for only one of the articles. Being that “ME” stands for Maine and that is where Mr. King is buried… sorry, not yet buried as of today… it hit close to home so to speak.
It turns out that President Trump’s use of power to dismantle 70 years of socialist utopian enterprise is offensive to Mr. King and as far as Mr. King is concerned represents an abuse of power. It also seems that Mr. King is in favor of U.S. Politicians forcing foreign companies to install their family members onto Boards of Directors which supply annual incomes in exchange for influence in U.S. policymaking. And because of this Mr. King recognized that President Trump’s request to investigate such behavior in the spirit of positive cooperation between the United States and Ukraine is clearly extortion on the part of President Trump.
All of that being said, Mr. King is adamant that Representative Golden (D-ME) vote for BOTH articles of impeachment because this Anti-Socialist Tyrant in the White House must be stopped. If Rep. Golden decides not to do so, Mr. King has promised to unleash the fury of the undead masses to defeat him during the next election cycle.
I feel sorry for Rep. Golden. It is an impossible task to suddenly have to fend off a preternatural enemy from the grave… no, sorry again… from some creepy isolated locale hidden in the snowy woods where even birds dare not fly…
I wish you luck, Jared.
If you suddenly see Kathy Bates, anywhere, contact the authorities.
As to Stephen King, I will add him back into the pool.
Over the Hill and Through the Woods…
…to the Drunk Uncle’s House we go.
It’s that time of year again. Seems like it was just last year…
Occasionally I like to share certain things allowing a brief glimpse into my exceptionally average life. This year it will be the formula for my Turkey… which is my responsibility. I’m not complaining, it allows me to support some sense of sanity.
(Note: I have no issue killing Turkey’s. It’s the heinous acts perpetrated upon them after they’re dead that I’m trying to stop. You people are sick.)
So Easy it Should be Illegal Turkey, Stuffing and Gravy.
Start gathering the below crap together FIRST…
Day before ingredients:
2 cups Salt
½ cup Sugar
Thing to put Turkey in overnight:
(1) Large portable, sealable container
Day of Turkey ingredients:
(1) 12-15 pound Turkey w/giblets
BIG Roasting Pan – the Aluminum throw away ones are fine. You typically get 3 to a pack… so you can make hats out of the other two. Perfect!
3 – 12oz. cans Chicken Stock, or bullion, or make your own from the chicken in your neighbor’s yard. I’ve done all three and other than time… effort… and years of lying about what happened to the chickens, it’s all about the same.
1-stick butter (soft)
½ cup O.J.
2-medium onions or 4 large shallots chopped
2-cups chopped Celery
Day of Gravy ingredients:
2-shot’s Dry Sherry
1-pint whipping/heavy cream (optional)
2-tablespoon’s Corn Starch or a “cold rue” which is just equal parts butter and flour mashed together until you get a paste. I find the rue easier to use.
1-teaspoon Ground Paprika deepens the flavor and helps make the gravy yellow.
Day of Stuffing ingredients:
2-bags Pepperidge Farms Stuffing (Any variety… I like Country) I know it’s cheating… and? (If you want to dry out your own bread, OK. Cube it and dust it with garlic salt and Sage/Thyme/Rosemary then bake till hard, dry and slightly brown.) By the time you’re done with the above cubing, dusting, and baking you could have bought the bags, spent less money and time with nobody being any wiser. There’s plenty of work ahead for everybody to be impressed.
Gather all of this stuff around you within easy reach FIRST. It will go much faster and you’ll remember everything when you need to remember it.
Day before instructions:
Step 1. Pour 2 cups Salt and ½ cup Sugar into the container. Add water to dissolve.
Step 2. Place thawed Turkey (with giblets still in the neck cavity) into the container.
Step 3. Cover with water completely and seal/close the container. (Yes, I know it floats.)
Step 4. Place the container outside, if not below freezing, overnight. If it’s freezing, then put it in the garage. The object is to keep the Turkey COLD so nobody dies… there is no point in killing anybody, at least on Thanksgiving. Don’t worry too much, I’ve done this for 20 years and never killed anybody, yet… on Thanksgiving… day… before 5pm… except that once…
Day of Turkey Instructions:
Step 1. Remove all but a lower rack in Oven. Pre-heat to 250 degrees.
Step 2. Remove Turkey from container and drain well. Remove giblets (That’s all the gut’s stuffed inside which they have helpfully enclosed in a blood-soaked bag.) and put into a pot on the stove. (We’ll come back to them) Pat dry the turkey with paper towels. This will make it crisp. I’ve seen people use a hair-dryer… if you’re so inclined. If you choose to do this, adopt a 1000-yard stare, and don’t explain it to anybody. It makes Thanksgiving so much more fun when they think you’re insane.
Step 3. In large Roasting Pan add onion, then celery, and place carrots at an angle lengthwise in the pan. (i.e./////) Turkey will sit on them keeping Turkey off the bottom of the pan. OR, just buy a roasting rack. But that costs money and all of this was designed to just throw it away when you’re done. Your choice.
Step 4. Add 3 cans of Chicken Stock to the pan.
Step 5. Place Turkey in pan on top of carrots.
Step 6. Insert/shove/massage apple slices and herb sprigs (saving a sprig of each for gravy) into Turkey cavities front and back, tie legs together with string. (The TURKEY LEGS… seriously… I worry about you people. Sometimes I think you’re being funny, other times not so much.) Now for the gourmet secret; I like bacon wrapped around the wing and leg tips to keep them from burning or browning too much. This is easier than using a string that is difficult to tie and leaves marks on your bird. USE THE STRING ON THE LEGS, but then take strips of bacon and wrap it around the tips of the wing and lay directly on top of the legs. You’ll amaze your in-laws by being sooooo smart.
Step 7. Mix butter and O.J. together in a bowl. Wash your hands. (You probably should have done this earlier… but I know how you are.) Now apply the mixture to Turkey with your fingers. It should be gooey/messy but I haven’t found a better way yet. Rub it all over Turkey. It’s very therapeutic, and you know you’re done when the other people in the kitchen begin to feel a bit uncomfortable. It shouldn’t take but a couple of minutes. I like a little extra salt and pepper on the outside too, but it’s up to you.
Step 8. Place it all into a preheated oven. Set a timer for 1 hour for each 3-1/2 pounds of bird. Remember, this isn’t your mother’s bird. We are NOT taking all this time to burn the crap out of it or dehydrate it for future generations. There is NO stuffing on the inside, thus it will cook faster at lower temperatures than usual. If anyone tries to argue with you, stab them. (Be careful not to kill them… refer to Day Before; step #4)
Step 9. Baste this thing about every 30 minutes until the last 2 hours and while you’re in there make sure the fluid level is OK. Then, LEAVE IT ALONE. This will make it crispy. I did say leave it alone, didn’t I?
Step 10. Remove Bird and transfer to Turkey plate (the giant plate with fancy crap on it that is located in the very back of your cupboard because you haven’t used it in years… if ever. Typically a gift from much older relatives given to you when you got married with the idea that you would be possessed by Norman Rockwell and don the June Cleaver pumps and pearls. (That goes for the guys too, you know who you are.)) Remove any bits of bacon and toss back into pan. Just kind of gaze upon the bird… gently/lovingly. If you act this way the in-laws will either think you’re “in the zone” or dipping into the sherry and pain killers. Either way they will leave you alone, which can be nice during the Holidays.
Day of Gravy instructions:
Step 1. Add water to giblets (guts) sitting on the stove. Turn on to medium heat at the same time you put Turkey in the oven and bring to a boil. You will have to periodically add water, as you are boiling these things to death. That’s the point, we are making stock for gravy. Boil, boil, boil.
Step 2. Add leftover sprigs to the pot.
Step 3. Add crushed or chopped Garlic.
Step 4. Add Dry Sherry. If you have purchased a bottle for this occasion, we’ll use relatively little of it. So go ahead and have a shot… that’s right… from the bottle. It’s OK, nobody’s looking! They do it at home too, go ahead… OK, that’s enough, put it down. PUT IT DOWN.
Step 5. I like to add my salt here, to taste, so I don’t have to worry about it later. It also saves lives… as I don’t have to hear anybody bitch about how much salt I choose to use or not use, and then be forced to challenge Day Before; step #4.
Step 6. Time the boiling process for it. It should be reduced to about half of the pot when Turkey has 30-minutes left. When the timer hits 30 minutes left on the Oven, strain the liquid and giblets (guts) from the stock. Again, set the giblets (guts) aside to cool, as you will use these for their “meat” and put it back into the gravy.
Step 7. Put the liquid back on to boil.. Allow to simmer until it just barely starts to taste right.
Step 8. Add Paprika and stir. It should turn yellow… right? (No? Throw everything away. Just kidding… it will turn yellow.. er.)
Step 9. Dissolve cornstarch well in 1/4 cup of very cold water. Pour quickly into lightly boiling liquid. Bring back to a boil. The gravy should begin to thicken immediately with NO LUMPS. Follow my directions and NO LUMPS. If you’re using the “cold rue” then stir it in gradually with a whisk. (If you have a hand blender then screw it and dump it all in, just blend it in the pot till smooth. Then have a shot of sherry celebrating your ingenuity.)
Step 10. If satisfied with texture (if not, you can add a little more cornstarch or rue, but don’t overdo it) and the flavor, turn it to low and check occasionally. It’s ready to serve.
Step 11. (Optional) I like to peel the meat from the neck bone and chop up the giblets very small then put back into the gravy. It adds a great flavor as well as texture and improves the appearance. It’s up to you, but I recommend it.
Step 12. (Optional) If you find the relatives wanting to “share the spirit of the season” with you troubling… you may want to consider hurling the now empty Dry Sherry bottle through the closest window in a brief but explosive fit of inexplicable rage. Nothing says “Happy Thanksgiving” like the jolly sound of a loud, lone, angry voice and the merry tinkle of shattering glass. If this hits too close to home, feel free to ad-lib, just don’t mess up the food.
Day of Stuffing instructions:
Step 1. Locate all the good stuff in the now still warm, but Turkey-less roasting pan. Remove carrots and chop. Yes, I know they’re hot, if you can’t stand the heat get out of… I can’t remember how this quote goes but I think it ends with Sherry. Throw chopped carrots back into pan.
Step 2. Open packages of stuffing bread and throw (THE BREAD, NOT THE BAGS) into pan. STIR WELL ONCE! Cover with foil and leave it alone. If you fiddle with it, it will turn to mush.
I SAID NO FIDDLING. It will be ready to stir again in five minutes and serve in about 10 minutes. (I like to add an entire stick of butter and allowing it to melt prior to throwing in the bags of bread, but it’s your call.)
Well all right then… you’re finished!
Serve it up however you would like. I no longer care.
HAPPY THANKSGIVING! or, whatever…
IF IT’S STILL IN YOUR HAND, PUT THE SHERRY DOWN AND GO TALK TO THE RELATIVES, or open another bottle of Sherry and don’t talk to the relatives. Either way is a path to something unhealthy.
We could go over potatoes but everybody has their own way of doing it and they all equally suck.
Cheers! – Mike
Joe Biden is Shovel Ready
A little somethin’ caught my eye this morning on Twitchy. (here)
Apparently, Joe Biden decided to haze President Trump regarding infrastructure.
“President Trump campaigned on repairing our nation’s crumbling infrastructure. But after countless “Infrastructure Weeks,” he has failed to deliver results. It has to change.
Today, I’m calling for a transformational investment in our nation’s future…”
— Joe Biden (@JoeBiden) November 14, 2019
(Holy Mouse Turds!) Sorry… let me put it another way… I must admit I perk up a bit when I hear this phrase as I, among many of us, thought we spent ONE TRILLION DOLLARS on infrastructure projects during the 8-year Obama/Biden Administration. This, of course, leads me to the next logical question. WHERE THE H*LL DID THAT MONEY GO?
But Joe insists that the infrastructure is Crumbling.
I insist that it is Joe that is crumbling… as well as stumbling and bumbling.
Maybe he’s just dipped into his son’s stash?
Take a trip with me down memory lane and regurgitate the ever so familiar Obama talking point “Shovel Ready Jobs”. A quick Google search of “shovel ready jobs” yields 8,160,000 articles.
Many of us here already know that money was wasted, or simply used to replenish Union Coffers to then be sent back to Democrats via campaign donations. That’s when we realized that Shovel Ready actually related more to the process of cleaning up after your dog. But I digress.
Very, Very, Old Joe might need to Shut the Pfluck Up…
…as he is the only thing that’s Shovel Ready.
One might begin to think that the only reason he’s running for president is the act in itself appears to provide immunity from 3rd parties investigating past sins… (Who knew?!)
I’m sure that’s not the case.