Category Archives: Humor

A Day Without an Immigrant

It has become clear that the only folks who will suffer A Day Without an Immigrant will be at CPAC.

I have stockpiled various sundries preparing for this rumored day without an immigrant because I recognize how devastating to the United States this will be. It was to my profound embarrassment when I was informed that the “A Day Without an Immigrant” demonstration was last week. Last week… and I missed it. So I have spent the entire morning mixing powdered milk with my scotch. Not sure how I’m going to use 300lbs of salt, but I like it in beer… so I’ll get to work on that this afternoon.

Meanwhile, I have observed the ‘modern day lynching’ of Milo Yiannopoulos.

I am a supporter of Milo. I will continue to support Milo. I do not support Milo because I’m gay… I’m not. At my age I would know by now. I support him because he is brilliant. I support him because he is an extremely effective weapon in the war against those who wish to oppress us. He is powerful as demonstrated by the leftist hordes of Useful Idiots who gather to greet him with misspelled signs, vitriol and violence wherever he goes. He is as rude as he is irritating to the Socialists who think they own the ‘under 30’ crowd. In the end, we cannot get back to where we need to be without individuals like Milo.

When I heard that CPAC had pulled their support by ‘Uninviting him to speak’ my first thought was “of course they did”. For the record, I’m ‘uninviting all those CPAC a-holes from speaking at my house’ indefinitely. Milo has clarified his comments, although I don’t think they needed clarification, and the information is out there regarding what he said and meant. If you are going to condemn him while refusing to read, watch or review more than what information has been force-fed to you then you have a problem that probably extends beyond some dude named Milo. And if this IS you, you might consider what role you play in advocacy of the Comfortably Dumb. I never expect agreement, but I always expect you to makeaneffort.

I want to keep this Simple, Powerful and Direct. I think I have.

Now have to go check the Rum cakes I’m baking with the long ton of unbleached flour piled in my living room.


I’ll take “The Definition of Fascism” for the win, Alex.

liberal-logic-101-5540


Breaking: The End of Trump! *Updated* *Updated*

2/8/2017, Bethesda MD: Returning from a scheduled visit to Walter Reed Medical Center President Donald Trump had his motorcade make an unannounced stop at Pet Mac, a Bethesda Pet Shop. Press assigned to the trip reported the President entered the Pet Store and suddenly grabbed a cat then started petting it heavily. The cat reportedly didn’t appear to care. It is unknown at this time if the cat knew the President or had contact with the President before this event. Employees said they had no knowledge of the visit. However a clerk stated that it is not unusual to see rich and powerful men in their store staring at the cats. We have reached out to the cat in question but at the time of this article have not received comment.

Update:  The owner of Pet Mac, requesting her name not be used, contacted us after seeing our article.  She wanted to make it clear that no money was exchanged during the President’s visit.  She also assured us that Women, often repeat customers, regularly visit her cats but instead of petting them in the store, take five our six home with them at a time.

Update:  It has been brought to our attention that hanging on the back wall of Pet Mac is a signed picture of President Clinton.  When we asked the store owner about the picture she stated that President Clinton was a very frequent visitor, while he spent most of his time petting the cats he never took one home with him.


Progressive Solutions at Work

Taking a page from The United States’ handling of Illegal Immigration, China has found a solution to their Smog Problem.

Chinese Authorities tell local weather forecasters to Stop Issuing Smog Alerts.

Problem Solved.

It is no wonder why Democrats admire the problem solving efficiency of Socialism.

Almost immediately after the directive was issued, China’s smog ‘problem’ had been solved. Coinciding with the disappearance of Smog throughout China, certain members of Politburo have moved to rename the dense poisonous haze as “Very Fine Particulate” as some government officials feel the term “Smog” is offensive.  Other terms considered were “Very Special”, “Very Special Old Pale” and “Extra Old”.

One Chinese Diplomatic Source we contacted stated, off the record, that any discussion about offensive terms is irrelevant as Smog, or whatever Western Countries might want to call it, no longer exists in China.  It was offered that the idea for the solution came from how the United States solved the Immigration Problem by ceasing to enforce Immigration Law.  The source also said that China’s focus has been, and remains, the Chinese role in controlling the New World Order. Our source then returned to his meeting with Vice President Joe Biden.


The Verdict is in; Expensive Education directly results in a Retarded Ability to Recognize Irony

In what I predict will be a frequent demonstration of Parents wasting their money, we will be treated to Useful-Leftist-Anti-Free-Speech-Idiots violently protesting speakers with which they disagree and hilariously Calling them ‘Fascists’.

From Breitbart:

UC Davis Chancellor ‘Deeply Disappointed’ by MILO Protesters: School Based on ‘Respect for All Views’

Interim Chancellor Ralph J. Hexter condemned the protesters at MILO and Martin Shkreli’s event on campus Friday, which had to be shut down after increasing violence and a police arrests.

“After consulting with UC Davis Police Department and UC Davis Student Affairs officials, the Davis College Republicans canceled tonight’s event featuring Breitbart columnist Milo Yiannopoulos,” explained UC Davis in an official blog post on their website. “The decision was made at about 7:00 pm, 30 minutes prior to the scheduled start of the event, after a large number of protesters blocked access to the venue, and it was determined that it was no longer feasible to continue with the event safely.”

“I am deeply disappointed with the events of this evening,” proclaimed Hexter, who was appointed chancellor last year. “Our community is founded on principles of respect for all views, even those that we personally find repellent. As I have stated repeatedly, a university is at its best when it listens to and critically engages opposing views, especially ones that many of us find upsetting or even offensive.”

During the lead-up to the show, protesters became increasingly violent, with one ABC10 photographer being attacked with hot coffee outside of the venue.

Protesters wearing balaclavas started to tear down police barricades and shove students, while MILO’s video producer Matt Perdie was pushed and spat on by the “anti-fascists.”

Shkreli, who attempted to speak to media and fans peacefully, had obscenities screamed at him by protesters.

“We were told by the chief of Davis police that they could not guarantee the safety of the students, the speaker, or the police officers if the event should go ahead,” said Gabrielle McDowell, vice chair of the UC Davis College Republicans.

“As the organisation hosting the event, we would have been held personally responsible for any harm caused as a result of its taking place. We were therefore forced to cancel the event,” she continued.

MILO and Shkreli are planning to march with the College Republicans on Saturday afternoon across campus in a peaceful protest against the violent left-wing “anti-fascists” that forced the event’s cancellation yesterday.

Charlie Nash is a reporter for Breitbart Tech. You can follow him on Twitter @MrNashington or like his page at Facebook.

Not only are these Fascists displaying their ignorance regarding what Fascism is while being very good ones in practice, they are demonstrating the value of an expensive education for your sons and daughters… as well as the other 29 sexual identities.

But most pronounced, all those dollars you spend unequivocally rob your children of any ability to recognize Irony.

Ironic, isn’t it?


Having New York and Hollywood Actors Run the Country…

Is like having your Interior Decorator Build your House.
Yet in the United States some of us consider it “Progressive”.


Russian Hackers Burned my Toast!

I’m not sure how they did it, but I’ve placed a call into the CIA, the DNC and the British Labor Party demanding answers.

I’m also pretty sure Russian Hackers shot JFK, are causing Korean Pop Music to come from my fillings and the usually large size of tomatoes at the grocery store.

#RussianHackersMakeBaconTasteGood