Stayed to see the next Installment of Humanthony.
An Aside… What Ever Happened to Brian Pagliano?
Emergency Notification From BOB and the Duffle Blog…. Apparently this Little Deep State A-Hole knows when you’ve been sleeping, and knows when you’re awake, then decides when you’ve been bad or good.
Thanks to the always-reliable news site The Duffel Blog, we now know that the “Elf on a Shelf” is actually an intelligence gathering operation run by the NSA. Not everyone is taking this outrage lying down, however; some people have decided that it’s time to fight back:
… Refuses to do Business with Black NFL Quarterback!
In what can only be considered a Racist Action by a bigoted dairy company, Dannon Yogurt has cut ties with Cam Newton, the famous African-American Quarterback for the Carolina Panthers. For most of you who don’t know, The Carolina Panthers are an American Football Team who are part of The National Football League. The National Football League was a sports league that enjoy prominence in The United States prior to it’s players disrespecting Law Enforcement Officers Nationwide and subsequently achieved irrelevance beginning in the 2016 season extending into the 2017 season.
Given it is common knowledge that Dairy Products are Racist, it should come as no surprise such behavior is being displayed by Dannon who produces various White Dairy Products.
Update: It is rumored that Dannon has made entreaties to Tom Brady, the famous White Quarterback of the New Jersey Patriots. Our sources indicate that Brady was approached by Dannon to endorse their Activia product because of his incredibly crappy performance this year. We have not received comment from Brady or the Patriots.
Update: It has been confirmed that Tom Brady is being approached by Dannon. Our sources indicate that Mr. Brady has been asked to sponsor Activia and part of the agreement is he Squat on the sideline during The National Anthem. We understand that both parties are reportedly “Very close to a Deal.”
I’m not sure I understand…
Nancy Pelosi has a New Face every 9 months.
Isn’t that good enough?
What’s a Gal gotta do?
I’ve found myself at the forefront of a Battle the likes of which has never been seen… maybe.
So there I was minding my own business when I noticed something odd… strange even. At first I dismissed it as ‘just a dirty window’ but quickly realized it was Dog Snot. For those of you who own dogs you already know that this occurrence, dog snot on windows, does not rise to “odd” or “strange”. But it was not the snot… it was the abundance and location that raised it to remarkable.
Let me explain, our home is our castle and as such has windows throughout with a walled backyard. A number of these windows run roughly floor to ceiling because we invite our very small spot on this earth into our home… visually. That being said, when I noticed an unbroken 8 in. swath of haze looking like a long, dried, sneeze running the length of each window, I became perplexed. I couldn’t figure out how such an event could happen so suddenly without my noticing it.
But I had suspects.
Three height challenged ones to be exact.
I’ll offer to those of you who have lives, and do not wait eagerly for each and every inane utterance tapped out on this site, that we have an agreement with several small rescue dogs. They get to live with us and we get to feed them.
To make a long story longer, after I finished my search for dog snot throughout the house, with Windex and paper towels in hand, I had nothing left to do but wait… with a short scotch.
While we’re waiting…
I should also let you know a couple of years ago a family of Road Runners adopted our neighborhood. They have spawned several offspring and completely decimated our lizard population. We’ve all had the good fortune to watch ‘the circle of life’ in play without sending Jim Fowler down to wrestle anything dangerous or anthropomorphic cartoons singing and dancing the sheer terror of it away. Anyway…
The Waiting was over! Without warning, as if out of nowhere, came my answer!
The silence was murdered by a cacophony of small dogs yelling their ridiculously small heads off with their tiny, slimy, noses pressed all over my freshly cleaned windows. The troika was growing louder and more hysterical with each passing moment, and that’s when I saw one of our new neighbors walk calmly to less than a foot from my apoplectic herd on the other side of the window… and stare. Just stare. Only occasionally shifting its gaze from one to the other for what seemed to be an eternity.
It was clear. The new neighbors had claimed our yard as eminent domain.
It goes without saying, the previous owners were none too happy.
So I walk over to the back door and opened it… out rushed the herd screaming whatever it is that they thought would intimidate this brazen interloper. (I don’t speak dog, so I don’t know exactly what they were yelling, but I suspect it was laced with expletives.)
For reference, The Road Runner is a reasonably large bird. It is also a pack hunter. And… it is indeed fast, as well as intelligent.
All of the above traits, particularly the ‘intelligent’ one, do not work in favor of the Chihuahua’s.
The intruder cavalierly jumped up onto our side wall and stared at the dogs some more with a long pregnant pause.
Then hopped away.
That was the first salvo I witnessed. But I know the war continues. I’m beginning to believe the Road Runners are enjoying it. I’ve watched them come up to our french door and peer inside as if looking for my host of hapless idiots. I have watched them ‘circle’ my little batch of fools while perched just out of reach. I have, I believe, watched the family allow my dogs to chase them across the yard only to follow them back when the dogs walk away. I think they are playing… but I know for sure the dogs are not.
So on goes this little internecine battle over control of territory outside our windows.
On the upside, the dogs still think they own the inside… and I have plenty of paper towels.
On the downside, I don’t want to tell our gaggle of goofs that they are outmatched and lost the war over the outside a couple of years ago. It would break their little stupid hearts.