It has come to light that the Invasion of Ukraine by a Disorganized Mob of Russian Demonstrators is in response to an Internet Video.
The Video was purportedly criticizing the overuse of Sour Cream in the Russian Diet. It also, reportedly, implied that Beets shouldn’t be considered a Food.
National Security Advisor Susan Rice has been scheduled to make several appearances on Sunday News Shows to fully explain the circumstances of this unfortunate event.
She has also issued a statement clarifying why there has been no United States response: “We simply didn’t have any resources in the area capable of responding in time.”
Secretary of State John Kerry commented; “What, at this point, does it matter?” It should be noted that Kerry made the statement in what some considered a “strange high-pitched kind of shouting, almost through his nose.” At this time we’re not sure if he was mocking someone or simply showing something resembling emotion and intonation, both out of character for Secretary Kerry.
Yesterday President Obama issued a warning that there would be “Costs” associated with the Invasion of Ukraine.
President Obama has canceled his taxpayer-funded Vacation Plans to the Ukraine in response to the Invasion.
In a press release President Obama said: “My response is proportional to the outrage. This should go a long way in teaching The Ukrainians to be mean to Ethnic Russians.”