Tag Archives: flu

Where in the World is Jenny McCarthy?

The Butcher and I have been exchanging some comments which led me to repost my letter to Jenny…

An Open Letter to Jenny McCarthy:  070914 11am

Dear Ms. McCarthy,

I have to confess that I’ve followed your work since the long ago days of burping on Live TV,  Playboy and Fart Jokes.  But I have paid particular attention to your efforts over the last decade to ‘protect’ children from inoculations which you have decided cause diseases such as, but not limited to, Autism, Asperger’s and Mental Retardation.  The energy you have put into your efforts cannot be described as anything less than remarkable.

Because of your success in convincing so many American parents to ‘save’ their children from inoculations I feel compelled to point something out.

As I type this letter hundreds of thousands of children who have arrived in the United States illegally are being inserted into our public school system all over the Nation.

Allow me to restate what I just tapped out;

Hundreds of Thousands of medically unscreened children, some who have already exhibited ailments ranging from Head Lice and Scabies to Measles and TB, are being absorbed into groups of un-inoculated children of parents who believe the things you decided were true.

For that matter, Ms. McCarthy, there may even be some of those same parents… and Teachers… who abide by your understanding and interpretation of medical science.

With that in mind it then becomes relevant that the CDC (Center for Disease Control) has seen it necessary to quietly install, and bolster existing, emergency response centers across the nation because of the influx of the aforementioned illegal, unscreened, sick children.

I was hoping to appeal to your sense of caring for others by asking you to create a Mailing Address which the above parents, teachers and soon to be infected children can send their thanks.  In addition I would hope you could find a vehicle, possibly those microphones and magazine pages you utilized to campaign for anti-inoculations, to let the public know where to send their letters of appreciation.

I have Complete Faith you will do the Right Thing.

Appropriate Regards, Mike

(Here they come…)

(Feds allow sick to stay)

(How Many will your School Get?  It’s a Secret.)

Originally posted 070914


My Halloween Costume…

This Year I’ve decided to Frequent all 17 of my favorite Bars and Bowling Ally’s as…

A Narcissistic Nurse!

The basic get up will be a Bicycle helmet, Tight Black yoga pants and a “Hope and Change 2012” button. (I thought about the white clad, sexy nurse, thing but it doesn’t really convey the true horror or instill the level of genuine fear I’m looking for.)

In preparation I spent this morning Sharing needles with a local prostitute. Then I had sex with her… him… hard to tell from the extensive festering sores. I did however ask if I could borrow some of the Atazanvir and Valtrex in his/her jeans pocket.

Not having time to visit West Africa I then decided to head down to the mission and have as many homeless men with respiratory problems cough on me as possible. Just to be sure I wasn’t wasting my time I had them hack directly into my mouth. In fairness, I only allowed 45 minutes of consistent wheezing and hacking before it felt like I had received the attention I was looking for. Wiping my face off, I returned home.

But not before I found sewer grate downtown and gave it a throughout licking.
For the record, I chose that particular one because it smelled most like urine, decay, mixed strangely with skittles.

Once home, I whipped out my wife’s yoga pants and winched them up around my big chunky butt.

I pulled out my light blue pullover and donned my kid’s bicycle helmet.  The Hope and Change button I had to borrow…

Gazing into the mirror I knew I’d achieved my goal.

So tonight I will head out and drink from everyone’s glass…

Share everyone’s food…

And Dance like there’s no tomorrow…

Then I’ll pass out those sweaty, overly long and oddly uncomfortable hugs with abundance!

You might be asking if there is any possibility I could be giving them all gifts that keep on giving?

May be… or may be not.

But it’s not really about them…

Happy Halloween!

I’ll be the one behind you sneezing on your neck.