Category Archives: Humor

In Defense of Elizabeth Warren…

Is it Xenophobia?

The Cherokee Nation has spoken:

“A DNA test is useless to determine tribal citizenship. Current DNA tests do not even distinguish whether a person’s ancestors were indigenous to North or South America,” Cherokee Nation Secretary of State Chuck Hoskin Jr. said. “Sovereign tribal nations set their own legal requirements for citizenship, and while DNA tests can be used to determine lineage, such as paternity to an individual, it is not evidence for tribal affiliation” – Cherokee Nation Secretary of State Chuck Hoskin Jr.

What Mr. Hoskin is refusing to accept is the Reality that Elizabeth Warren is simply an “Undocumented Cherokee”. Ms. Warren is here whether Mr. Hoskin and his Tribe, like it or not. Since she is already claiming Cherokee Heritage and has acted as a member in good standing of the Cherokee Nation for Decades it is only reasonable that the Cherokee Nation accept her and provide full rights and benefits as possessed by every Cherokee Tribe Member. I should remind Mr. Hoskin that Senator Warren has contributed greatly to the Tribe from her representation as a ‘Person of Color’ at Harvard to Cookbooks highlighting uniquely Native American Cuisine. Senator Warren has promoted the Tribes by personally excelling through a life of Socialist politics while positively absolutely and without question not capitalizing on her Native American Identity.

My message to Mr. Hoskin is as follows:

Dear Mr. Hoskin Jr.,

I hope the Sovereign Nations can pry themselves away from what civilized people would consider a 19th Century mindset.

The World is Not Flat, Mr. Hoskins.

Elizabeth Warren is Native American because she says she is. You must respect that.

Due Regards,
Chief


We’re All Indians Now.

 

Why Are we All Indians Now?
Because Elizabeth Warren says so.

Elizabeth Warren took some type of DNA Heritage Test… and now…

Thanks to Ms. Warren I know I’m ENTITLED to go to the front of the line… being considered a person of color and all.

I officially have a “Say Anything I Want” card because I’m a minority… white guy.

Here’s the skinny, My Great-Grandfather was Cherokee. Actually Cherokee. Not “I think so..” high cheekboned Cherokee.  He was the Real Deal.

Given Ms. Warren’s official determination that she is no more and almost certainly actually less, Native American than the average American I’m practically a Chief.  Shoot, if her evidence of “I’m Qualified for Special Status” Native American Heritage is the bar I’m not only going to belly up and have a drink I’m going to expect BIA to start sending me checks directly. I’m also going to forfeit my identifying as a Female Octogenarian Royal and the subsequent demand I will be addressed as “Your Majesty” for a Crying Italian “Indian” on Horseback with the updated demand I will be addressed as “Chief”.

Frankly, I’m not sure what she is thinking but we should be hearing from the Tribes any moment… because if this is all it takes to be considered Native America, the age of Sovereign Nations is OVER.  Elizabeth Warren is the new Small Pox covered Blanket.  We’re ALL Indian Now!

If she was smart she would have kept these results secret… but then again if she were smart she would not be a Socialist.

Either Way…

I always need more Fire Water, So Get Those Checks Coming!  Chop-Chop!  (I’m also 1/1064 Asian.)

UPDATE…

As if on Cue.

A Response from the Cherokee Nation link HERE.


Stephen King Doesn’t mean to be Snarky…

File Photo:  Stephen King

Apparently Stephen King, author of brilliant works of fiction such as ‘The Dark Man’ and ‘Rage’, decided to not “be snarky”…

While I don’t care much about what Stephen thinks it brings up several questions.

  1.  Does Stephen need a break from ‘Don’?  If so, why doesn’t he just turn off the TV?
  2.  What does heaven look like to Stephen King?  Oh wait… I don’t care.
  3.  Is it only me or is it always annoying when someone starts a sentence with “Not to be Snarky, but…” or “Not to be an Assh*le, but…” or “Not to be a has-been author who nobody cares about anymore, but…” to then go on and be exactly that?

Stephen, if heaven is waiting for you and all you need to get there is a “break from Blabbermouth Don” then just walk away from the TV.  We all wish you the peace you’re looking for.


State of Kansas experiences Mass Exodus of Law Enforcement Officers!

In light of a new law just passed in Kansas, Law Enforcement Personnel are moving to any of 32 other states.

“We can’t get out of here fast enough!”  says one unidentified Wichita Police Officer interviewed by our on scene reporter.  “We knew this was coming, but didn’t think it would happen so quickly.  It was just out of the Blue…”

Full story here:

http://www.kansas.com/news/politics-government/article210902319.html

 


Hollywood Suddenly finds a Use for Boys!

Cate Blanchett – File Photo

Apparently, celebrities are getting facials made from cloned baby foreskin cells

Article Published By Filipa Ioannou at SFGATE

“Cate Blanchett recently told Vogue Australia she got a treatment called a “penis facial.”

People have put a lot of wild things on and around their faces in the name of smooth, blemish-free, youthful-looking skin: Leeches! Horse oil! Bee venom! Snail mucus! Bird poop! Animal placenta! Literal neurotoxins!

But it seems Cate Blanchett decided to one-up us all with something she referred to as a “penis facial” (not the X-rated kind). (Editor’s note:  This is assumptive.)

“Sandy (Bullock) and I saw this facialist in New York, Georgia Louise, and she gives what we call the ‘penis facial,'” she said in an interview with Vogue Australia when asked the most outlandish beauty treatment she’d ever received.

The lines in question were quietly removed from the article, but it was too late. A cached version lived on, and the internet’s fascination was piqued.  Cryotherapy Facials: Dermatologist to the stars uses freezing temps to achieve a red-carpet glow!

Blanchett herself wasn’t quite clear on why it was nicknamed the penis facial — maybe the smell?

“I don’t know what it is, or whether it’s just ’cause it smells a bit like sperm — there’s some enzyme in it, so Sandy refers to it as the ‘penis facial,'” she told Vogue Australia.

Would that it were so simple. Alas, the story of the penis facial does not end with the smell.  (Editor’s Note:  Dear God…)

Louise, who also reportedly counts Emma Stone, Katy Perry, Alexander Wang and Karly Kloss among her clients (no word on whether any of them have gotten the penis facial, though) was happy to clarify things in an interview with The Hollywood Reporter. The facial is derived from cells that are clones of baby foreskin cells.

“The foreskin is collected during circumcision and the stem cells are then harvested and extracted through a centrifuge,” she told THR. “I am always very mindful to explain radical serums and potions that I carry in my back bar, so I always explain that EGF is derived from newborn baby foreskin, but cells were taken and from that, new cells are cloned from a laboratory.”

It costs $650.

Filipa Ioannou is an SFGATE staff writer. Email her at fioannou@sfchronicle.com and follow her on Twitter”


And the Oscar goes to…

SHAPE OF WATER

BEST PICTURE!

Congratulations guys on a wholly original Cinema Experience leaving us thinking about the World around us.  We here at makeaneffort tip our hats.

Here are a couple stills from the movie in case you haven’t seen it yet.

Cheers – Mike

For the life of me I cannot understand why Movie attendance and the Ratings of Award Shows is dropping… aside from the force feeding of political correctness, pious posturing and poisonous politics, what’s not to love?

The Motion Pictures are just THAT GOOD.


Guns, Guns, Guns…

…and who owns them.

I’ve been paying attention, with unusual interest, to the debate surrounding the tiny newspaper in New York that released the names of firearms permit holders.

Clearly this was political.  Clearly it was legal.

OK… so why would anyone be upset?  Aside from the blatantly political move by the “objective” press….

1.  There is an argument that gun owners do not want “bad guys” to know they have a gun in their home.

I’m not sure I understand this argument… If I’m not home my weapons are secure.  If I’m home, I’m secure.  No problem.  I hope the “bad guys” all know… that’s kind of the point.

2.  There is an argument that law-abiding Liberals living around those who have publicly applied for, and obtained, firearms permits are a threatened by those permit holders.

Again, I’m not sure I understand this argument as law-abiding Gun Owners are not the ones committing crimes.  They are also connected in many cases of stopping criminal acts in progress.  (We can discuss who is the “first line of defense” in comments if needed.  I welcome it.  I have also heard Liberal talking heads say they would not want their kids in my home if they know I have guns… well I too do not want your kids in my home, soooo… we’re okay then, right?)

But there is one clear point here.

Yes, this exposure was intended to “shame” those who own guns by the Leftist Newspaper.  But it has turned out to be only shameful to the Leftist permit holders.  This fact should bring a smile to our collective gun owning faces.

You have to remember that to a Liberal, laws are for other people… not the Liberals who propose them.  The only people on that list of names who were “shamed” were those individual Liberals who champion Gun Control laws… for the Little People.   It is fashionable to be in favor of gun bans… being more outraged over every shooting than your neighbor… shaking your head in disdain over the proliferation of guns in America, etc.

This presents itself in the Righteousness associated with their Democrat/Socialist circle of friends by being in favor of all and any Gun Control.  (These are also the same people who if offered a sign for their front yard proclaiming “This Home is Proudly Gun Free” would refuse to put it up.  I know this because I have personally offered to hammer it into the ground myself…)

However, It becomes difficult to explain to your “Common Sense-Mainstream” Liberal neighbors that you too are a “Common Sense-Mainstream” Liberal when you have been outed as a gun-toting freak.

This is why there has been quick and focused amount of negative attention applied to this matter by the rest of the Leftist Media… because they’re well aware that a number of their members happen to have concealed carry permits and reside in New York and the surrounding boroughs, counties and states.  The very leftist New York Media who are NOT cheering this latest exposure of permit holders, know full well they are on deck for the next round of exposures.

So once again, the Hypocrisy of the Left is what is at issue here.  Nothing New.

Don’t be distracted by the first two arguments and pay closer attention to who is being offended and positioning themselves as the suddenly new champions of the second amendment and personal privacy.  You will find a growing number of Democrats whose voting records demonstrate their brand new, previously undocumented, love of both.  They have images to protect… don’t you know.

Keep Smiling!

(Update: Gawker has fired the next shot by producing a list of permit holders in NYC.  Hilarious!)

It’s worth noting that this story occurred several years ago… and very shortly after Gawker released the NYC list the ‘releasing of lists’ suddenly stopped.  It was not made illegal to release these lists… it just ‘mysteriously’ stopped.  Funny how Leftist Liberals do not like it when you turn on the lights.

(010313)


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Huma Keeps a Firm Grip on Weiner

In what appears to be a move to maintain the Husband-Wife confidentiality Privilege, it could be interpreted to mean Legal Trouble on the horizon for Mr. and Mrs. Danger.

Stayed to see the next Installment of Humanthony.

 

An Aside… What Ever Happened to Brian Pagliano?


Humble Juice.

A New, Much Needed, Diet for the American People…  not to address the obesity epidemic, but rather the Entitlement Epidemic.

Humble Juice.

This is not about our standing in the world…  this is about our standing with each other.

A watershed moment of growing up is when you suddenly realize you’re not nearly as special as you think you are.  Not only does the Universe not revolve around you… you find out the Universe doesn’t care about you at all.  And it should never be expected to.

This typically coincides with the realization that your parents are not as brilliant and infallible as you thought they were, pets come and go and nothing is free as someone somewhere is paying for it.  But far, far, too many of us never seem to grow up.  And this is a problem because those individuals pose as adults… doing adult things like raising children, buying stuff they can’t afford and voting.  All of these actions effect the rest of us, thus making it our problem.

It’s time for you, and you know who you are whether you want to admit it or not, to drink a full gallon of Humble Juice each and every day while reminding yourself you’re not entitled to anything.  Nothing.  Nobody “owes” you anything… Ever.  You are amazingly unique… just like EVERY other person that is ,or ever has been, alive.

Look in the mirror and repeat the following every morning…

“I am not entitled to a certain standard of living.  My desired standard of living is mine and mine alone.  Because of this, it is mine to support.  If I cannot maintain my desired standard of living it will fall on only my shoulders to answer any debts I accumulated and adjust accordingly my level of what is acceptable.  It is no one else’s problem unless I owe them money.

I am not Entitled to a Loan.  Nobody is obligated to hand me a bunch of money to go buy stuff.  It doesn’t matter what I want to buy… could be a house, could be a horse… it’s not my money and I don’t have a right to it.  When begging for a loan I will respect this fact.  I might bring along a shot of Humble Juice for that moment when I inevitably forget.

I am not entitled to the services of Doctors, Lawyers, Bankers, Farmers, Real Estate Agents, Cashiers, Waitresses, Sanitation Workers, Etc. Etc. Etc.  I pay for these… because they don’t “owe” me anything.

I am not entitled to a retirement provided by someone else, such as my family, the government (read: Taxpayers), my children, neighbors, employers, “Rich People” etc.  Note: Social Security is Bankrupt… it was a promise that could never be kept… and those who made it knew this… those collecting Social Security have, or will have, collected far more than they ever put in.  I don’t expect to see dime.

I am not entitled to have my stuff replaced if it is lost, stolen or destroyed.  If I pay insurance, I have a contract with a business… not an entitlement.  If I didn’t pay for insurance… I have my savings.  If I have no savings… I have broken stuff.  I will think ahead and prepare for such possibilities.

I am not entitled to the love and devotion of my spouse, partner, dating chum… whatever.  This entitlement leads to some of the most unhealthy people on earth.  Symptoms of this misconception include but are not limited to Depression, Anxiety, Obesity, Isolation and the collateral damage to children, family and friends.

I am not entitled to my parents money… as a loan, gift, inheritance etc.  I will grow up!  It’s not my money.  I will earn my own money, then spend it as I see fit.  If I want to give it to my kids, then fine… if not, that’s fine too.  Any hurt feelings are the responsiblity of the person whose feelings are hurt.  No one has the right to force me to hand out my property to anyone.  If I do so, it will be by my choice.

Nobody is obligated to me.  Not my friends, associates, parents, children, neighbors, employees, employers, et al.  I enjoy helping others VOLUNTARILY… and I expect nothing in return.  If I get my feelings hurt it is because I expected something, and that’s my fault.  I will learn to get over it by not projecting my expectations onto others.

I will only receive the voluntary kindness of those who can tolerate me… and there will be precious few who will choose to do so.  And, that’s the way it goes.  Because of this, I appreciate those tolerant enough to be my friend… whatever flavor of friend that might be.

It is my responsibility to understand the decisions I make and take responsibility for the outcomes.  It is my responsibility because that is what is required to remain free.  My Liberty depends on it.

I will work every moment of my life to remind myself of this by choking down my personal gallon of Humble Juice each and every day.”  (In my case, chased with two fingers of single malt scotch.)

(One of my personal favorites… mainly because of the underwear comment.  Originally posted 102912)