Idiotprufs’ Guide to Gifts not to Give

Mike:

It’s called Buck Bomb… and I’m sending one to my Cousin, no matter what you say. Who doesn’t want to smell like Doe Estrus? When they’re Hunting! HUNTING! Or alone late at night…  She’s going to love it.

Originally posted on idiotprufs:

bad gift

You said you liked my armpits that way.

We all want to give the perfect gift for Christmas. The gift that will brighten a child’s face. The gift that show thoughtfulness and caring. The type of gift that will result in moments that will be cherished forever.

Well that’s not going to happen because frankly, you’re a moron; the best you can hope for is to not screw things up too badly.

Since I’m practically an expert at screwing things up badly–I mean, I am shockingly good at it–I am going to assist you in what gifts not to give.

Don’t give your goth cousin a bottle of skin bronzer. Just because she’s a goth doesn’t mean her flesh will burst into flames if it’s exposed to real sunlight. It’s Holy water that does that.

Don’t give your still single aunt, a copy of Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein, because the only…

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Flash: Madonna’s New Album Leaks onto Internet!

North Korean Hackers re-secure it and encrypt it preventing any further leaks!

According to one of the Hackers; “No one deserves this.  Not even our Enemies”

He added; “We just wanted to say Thank You for your pulling of the new Jerry Lewis movie “The Interview”… You American Pigs.”


I Too have been mistaken for The First Lady of the United States

Like Michelle Obama, I have also been asked to help retrieve an item from the top shelf of a store.

While it was not a Target Store as in the her case, it was a grocery store.  In fact, now that I think about it, I’ve been asked to do this many times in my life.

You see, Michelle and I share something.

Aside from both of us being around 6′ tall since middle school, and both of us apparently resembling First Ladies, we both are victims of Racism.

I feel her pain.

I know… I’m a Middle Aged White Guy…

But that changes nothing.

It’s clear the little old lady that asked me to help her had nothing but Racism on her mind. (Not the jar of capers she couldn’t reach.  And… only racists eat capers anyway.)

So, it happened just exactly like the person who supposedly asked the First Lady to help them retrieve whatever it was they asked her to help them retrieve from the top shelf. Racism Pure and Simple!  How could it be anything else?  (Although, She might have had bad eyesight…  which could explain why she thought I was Michelle Obama… and I was running around the store telling people what groceries they should be allowed to buy.  It should also be noted that I was not surrounded by plain clothes Secret Service Agents, not that anyone would notice… in a Target… )

So there you have it.

Just another True Story of Racism in today’s United States.

You are all horrible people.

Not me though… I’m just drunk.

(And Hey! If you’re out there you little old racist lady, I’m NOT the First Lady of the United States! Get a ladder!)


No Right of Return

On this day, President Obama destroyed the hopes of Cuban Exiles World Over to return to their beloved Cuba and reclaim the Property, and Land, which is rightfully theirs.

All of those who escaped the Murderous Castro Regime seeking refuge in what was once the freest Country on Earth…

Must now abandon all promise they would be able to reclaim what is rightfully theirs.

This has happened because the President of the United States finds Communal ground with Fidel Castro, His Brother and Socialist Ideology.

Our President has intentionally handed legitimacy to these Socialist Serial Killers.

Nothing Good can come of this.

Once the Soviets find their feet again… which we are allowing them to do as of this typing, Their ‘Aircraft Carrier’ in the Gulf of Mexico will be back up and running.  There is simply far too much power associated with having America to Blame for every ill.

But once again, the Liberal Progressives in the Country will prop up Socialist Failure under the perpetually misguided belief a different outcome will prevail.

History is determined to teach the opposite lesson.

Doubt me?

Name a single Free-Market Capitalist Economy with a Constitutionally Limited Government preserving the Natural Right of Personal Freedom, Liberty and Property Ownership resulting from Subsidizing Socialism?

I’ll wait…


Nuttercelli Says All Trees Dead By 2050

Mike:

So you better cut down your own tree soon…
Merry Christmas!
BTW, when someone puts “approx 100%” do they mean less than 100% or more than 100%?
This is where they get you. IF you Try to pay attention your head hurts… so you just stop.

Originally posted on Real Science:

You really can’t make up stupid like this.

ScreenHunter_622 Dec. 16 16.16

ScreenHunter_623 Dec. 16 16.21

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The Far-Right Socialists Awaken…

In a land not far away…

a Dark Force stirs.

Once upon a time, not long ago, the entire World fought an Enemy so great it almost destroyed the last visage of Freedom and Liberty known to Man.

That War was never Won.

Today those who bravely fought against this Evil have waned in their opposition. They have succumbed to the argument of Power over Freedom, Administration over Choice… Socialist Ideology over Individual Liberty.

Slowly Progressivism has cemented its poisonous hold over our minds with the appeal of Vanity, Ego and Envy.

So desirous are we to appear benevolent, feel superior and make everything fair according to our personal wants and needs…

We have turned to the Dark Side.

We are seeing the undeniable manifestation of this in Germany as I tap this out.

Like an old comfortable pair of shoes… German National Socialists are rallying across their land.

When we, here in the only country on Earth to be founded on the Supremacy of Individual Freedom, have embraced the ‘kinder, gentler’ Socialist Immorality within our own Government…

It was just a matter of time.

When you embolden a Great Evil through your passive acceptance,

When you give credence to the poisonous idea of Communal Responsibility,

When you sustain your power by creating groups of Idle Offended Dependents,

How can there be any surprise?

Socialism is not to be ‘considered’, it is to be defeated.

This Ugly Ideology belongs nowhere but on the ash heap of history.

Do we have Champions who will discover renewed zeal in the face of an Evil that refuses to be defeated?

We must find A New Hope.


Picking a Fight with the CIA…

One must ask why.

While the release of the ‘CIA Sucks Report’ was a foregone conclusion given Diane Feinstein’s drive to leave a parting gift to her Leftist base…

I remain convinced the timing of the report was designed to remove Jonathon Gruber from the headlines and allow the mainstream liberals something else to put on the evening news.  (I continue to believe Gruber, and his honesty about how Liberals see American’s, is profoundly damaging.)

That aside, the report begs the question “Why?”.

Why would you rehash what we already know?

Why would you emphasize enhanced terrorist interrogation techniques and our efforts to keep them alive while in captivity such as Rectal Feeding?  (I would remind you all that there are certain restaurants in Feinstein’s own San Francisco specializing in that very thing.)

Why would you give additional specific information allowing the remaining Terrorist A-holes to cross reference and pinpoint those involved?

I believe this fight started with Benghazi. It continued with the summary ‘execution’ of the Afghanistan Chief of Station’s career by officially outing his name.

And, the apparent conflict is being taken to a brand new level with the release of this report.

Is the CIA not being cooperative enough with the Socialists in our Government?

Might they have issues with how they are being tossed under the bus by an Administration that practises Drone Diplomacy?  Our deteriorating relationship with Israel?  Allowing North Korea and Iran to acquire Nuclear Weapons and the means to ‘deliver’ them?  Our inability to keep secrets?  Our ceding the Middle East to the Terrorists after shedding American Blood to keep it out of their hands?

Are our covert Agencies not being quiet enough when it comes to the murder of our Diplomat and security personnel in Benghazi?  Could it be they are not on board with the Administration, and the rest of the Leftists, who didn’t want to appear ‘aggressive’ to the rest of the world by providing adequate security?

Is this just another attempt to paint Bush as a Domestic Terrorist since we are ‘all citizens of the world’ according to our own home-grown Socialists?

I believe it’s all the above.

Feinstein thinks, because of her retirement, she is now beyond the reach of the American people, and this is a flying f-you to the very agency and agencies she over saw.  The very same Agencies whose techniques she previously, and repeatedly, approved of.

The Covert folks do not seem interested in being quiet about how this Administration is conducting itself. They are not interested in being hung out to die… so to speak.

They do not seem interested in continuing to do what they must while being used as political pawns in a game that is decidedly anti-capitalist.

There a was a time that many of us could fool ourselves into thinking that those who professed to be Socialists were doing so in order simply to get elected.

Now many of us, and I must conclude those in the intelligence services as well, are finding out those they thought to be donning a cloak of Progressive Populism are in fact… serious.  And the very folks that put their lives on the line for the rest of us everyday are suffering in the worst ways because of it.  Add to this that many of those we thought were Constitutional Loyalists are nothing of the sort.

We are watching the Republic crumble, and lives are being lost as a result.

Are we witnessing an awakening by those that keep the secrets?

Possibly… but I’m wrong more often than I’m right.

However, there is no doubt that a dark war has started in D.C.

Bits of it are finding sunlight.

It seems the Left wants it that way.  What do they stand to gain?

Is it an attempt at a purge?

Are the Progressives trying to consolidate power as they have been trying to do in the Military?


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