Bumper Sticker Of The Day…

Mike:

The Left would try to convince you ‘they would have if they could have’.

Originally posted on The Last Refuge:

Founding fathers

View original


Over the Hill and Through the Woods…

…to the Drunk Uncle’s House we go.

It’s that time of year again. Seems like it was just last year…

Occasionally I like to share certain things allowing a brief glimpse into my exceptionally average life. This year it will be the formula for my Turkey… which is my responsibility. I’m not complaining, it allows me to support some sense of sanity.

(Note: I have no issue killing Turkey’s.  It’s the heinous acts perpetrated upon them after they’re dead that I’m trying to stop.  You people are sick.)

Enjoy.

So Easy it Should be Illegal Turkey, Stuffing and Gravy.

Start gathering the below crap together FIRST…

Day before ingredients:

Brine:

2 cups Salt

½ cup Sugar

Thing to put Turkey in overnight:

(1) Large portable, sealable container

Day of Turkey ingredients:

(1) 12-15 pound Turkey w/giblets

String

BIG Roasting Pan – the Aluminum throw away ones are fine. You typically get 3 to a pack… so that’s 3-years worth. Perfect!

3 – 12oz. cans Chicken Stock, or bullion, or make your own from the chicken in your neighbor’s yard. I’ve done all three and other than time… effort… and years of lying about what happened to the chickens, it’s all about the same.

1-stick butter (soft)

½ cup O.J.

1-sliced apple

5-sprigs Thyme

5-sprigs Rosemary

5-sprigs Sage

3-sprigs Savory

5-peeled carrots

2-medium onions or 4 large shallots chopped

2-cups chopped Celery

6-slices bacon

Day of Gravy ingredients:

2-shot’s Dry Sherry

1-pint whipping/heavy cream (optional)

2-tablespoon’s Corn Starch or a “cold rue” which is just equal parts butter and flour mashed together until you get a paste. I find the rue easier to use.

2-clove’s Garlic

1-teaspoon Ground Paprika, deepens the flavor and helps make the gravy yellow.

Day of Stuffing ingredients:

2-bags Pepperidge Farms Stuffing (Any variety… I like Country) I know it’s cheating… and? (If you want to dry out your own bread, OK. Cube it and dust it with garlic salt and Sage/Thyme/Rosemary then bake till hard, dry and slightly brown.) By the time you’re done with the above cubing, dusting and baking you could have bought the bags, spent less money and time with nobody being any wiser. There’s plenty of work ahead for everybody to be impressed.

Gather all of this stuff around you within easy reach FIRST. It will go much faster and you’ll remember everything when you need to remember it.

Day before instructions:

Step 1.  Pour 2 cups Salt and ½ cup Sugar into the container. Add water to dissolve.

Step 2. Place thawed Turkey (with giblets still in neck cavity) into the container.

Step 3.  Cover with water completely and seal/close the container. (Yes, I know it floats.)

Step 4. Place the container outside, if not below freezing, overnight. If it’s freezing, then put it in the garage. The object is to keep the Turkey COLD so nobody dies… there is no point in killing anybody, at least on Thanksgiving. Don’t worry too much, I’ve done this for 19 years and never killed anybody, yet… on Thanksgiving… day… before 5pm… except that once…

Day of Turkey Instructions:

Step 1.  Remove all but a lower rack in Oven. Pre-heat to 250 degrees.

Step 2.  Remove Turkey from container and drain well. Remove giblets (That’s all the gut’s stuffed inside which they have helpfully enclosed in a blood soaked bag.) and put into pot on stove. (We’ll come back to them) Pat dry the Turkey with paper towels. This will make it crisp. I’ve seen people use a hair-dryer… if you’re so inclined. If you choose to do this, adopt a 1000 yard stare and don’t explain it to anybody.  It makes Thanksgiving so much more fun when they think you’re insane.

Step 3. In large Roasting Pan add onion, then celery and place carrots at an angle lengthwise in pan. (i.e./////) The Turkey will sit on them keeping the Turkey off the bottom of the pan. OR, just buy a roasting rack. But that costs money and all of this was designed to just throw it away when you’re done. Your choice.

Step 4.  Add 3 cans of Chicken Stock to pan.

Step 5.  Place Turkey in pan on top of carrots.

Step 6.  Insert/shove/massage apple slices and herb sprigs (saving a sprig of each for gravy) into Turkey cavities front and back, tie legs together with string. (The TURKEY LEGS… seriously… I worry about you people. Sometimes I think you’re being funny, other times not so much.) Now for the gourmet secret; I like bacon wrapped around the wing and leg tips to keep them from burning or browning too much. This is easier than using string that is difficult to tie and leaves marks on your bird. USE THE STRING ON THE LEGS, but then take strips of bacon and wrap it around the tips of the wing and lay directly on top of the legs. You’ll amaze your in-laws by being sooooo smart.

Step 7. Mix butter and O.J. together in a bowl. Wash your hands. (You probably should have done this earlier… but I know how you are.) Now apply mixture to the Turkey with your fingers. It should be gooey/messy but I haven’t found a better way yet. Rub it all over the Turkey. It’s very therapeutic, and you know your done when the other people in the kitchen begin to feel a bit uncomfortable. It shouldn’t take but a couple of minutes. I like a little extra salt and pepper on the outside too, but it’s up to you.

Step 8. Place it all into preheated oven. Set a timer for 1 hour for each 3-1/2 pounds of bird. Remember, this isn’t your mothers bird. We are NOT taking all this time to burn the crap out of it or dehydrate it for future generations. There is NO stuffing on the inside, thus it will cook faster at lower temperatures than usual. If anyone tries to argue with you, stab them. (Be careful not to kill them… refer to Day Before; step #4)

Step 9.  Baste this thing about every 30 minutes until the last 2 hours and while you’re in there make sure the fluid level is OK. Then, LEAVE IT ALONE. This will make it crispy. I did say leave it alone, didn’t I?

Step 10. Remove Bird and transfer to Turkey plate (the giant plate with fancy crap on it that is located in the very back of your cupboard because you haven’t used it in years… if ever. Typically a gift from much older relatives given to you when you got married with the idea that you would be possessed by Norman Rockwell and don the June Cleaver pumps and pearls. (That goes for the guys too, you know who you are.)) Remove any bits of bacon and toss back into pan. Just kind of gaze upon the bird… gently/lovingly. If you act this way the in-laws will either think you’re “in the zone” or dipping into the sherry and pain killers. Either way they will leave you alone, which can be nice during the Holidays.

Day of Gravy instructions:

Step 1.  Add water to giblets (guts) sitting on stove. Turn on to medium heat at the same time you put the Turkey in the oven and bring to a boil. You will have to periodically add water, as you are boiling these things to death. That’s the point, we are making a stock for gravy. Boil, boil, boil.

Step 2. Add left over sprigs to the pot.

Step 3. Add crushed or chopped Garlic.

Step 4. Add Dry Sherry. If you have purchased a bottle for this occasion, we’ll use relatively little of it. So go ahead and have a shot… that’s right… from the bottle. It’s OK, nobody’s looking! They do it at home too, go ahead… OK, that’s enough, put it down. PUT IT DOWN.

Step 5.  I like to add my salt here, to taste, so I don’t have to worry about it later. It also saves lives… as I don’t have to hear anybody bitch about how much salt I choose to use or not use, and then be forced to challenge Day Before; step #4.

Step 6.  Time the boiling process for it.  It should be reduced to about half of the pot when the Turkey has 30-minutes left. When the timer hits 30 minutes left on the Oven, strain the liquid and giblets (guts) from the stock. Again, set the giblets (guts) aside to cool, as you will use these for their “meat” and put it back into the gravy.

Step 7.  Put the liquid back on to boil.. Allow to simmer until it just barely starts to taste right.

Step 8.  Add Paprika and stir. It should turn yellow… right?   (No?  Throw everything away.  Just kidding… it will turn yellow.. er.)

Step 9. Dissolve cornstarch well in 1/4 cup of very cold water. Pour quickly into lightly boiling liquid. Bring back to a boil. The gravy should begin to thicken immediately with NO LUMPS. Follow my directions and NO LUMPS. If you’re using the “cold rue” then stir it in gradually with a whisk. (If you have a hand blender then screw it and dump it all in, just blend it in the pot till smooth. Then have a shot of sherry celebrating your ingenuity.)

Step 10. If satisfied with texture (if not, you can add a little more cornstarch, or rue, but don’t over do it) and the flavor, turn it to low and check occasionally. It’s ready to serve.

Step 11. (Optional) I like to peel the meat from the neck bone and chop up the giblets very small then put back into gravy. It adds a great flavor as well as texture, and improves the appearance. It’s up to you, but I recommend it.

Step 12. (Optional) If you find the relatives wanting to “share the spirit of the season” with you troubling… you may want to consider hurling the now empty Dry sherry bottle through the closest window in a brief but explosive fit of inexplicable rage. Nothing says “Happy Thanksgiving” like the jolly sound of a loud, lone, angry voice and the merry tinkle of shattering glass. If this hits too close to home, feel free to ad-lib, just don’t mess up the food.

Day of Stuffing instructions:

Step 1.  Locate all the good stuff in the now still warm, but Turkey-less roasting pan. Remove carrots and chop. Yes I know their hot, if you can’t stand the heat get out of… I can’t remember how this quote goes but I think it ends with Sherry.  Throw chopped carrots back into pan.

Step 2.  Open packages of stuffing bread and throw (THE BREAD, NOT THE BAGS) into pan. STIR WELL ONCE! Cover with foil and leave it alone. If you fiddle with it, it will turn to mush.

I SAID NO FIDDLING. It will be ready to stir again in five minutes and serve in about 10 minutes. (I like to add an entire stick of butter and allowing it to melt prior to throwing in the bags of bread, but it’s your call.)

Well all right then… you’re finished!

Serve it up however you would like. I no longer care.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!  or, whatever…

IF IT’S STILL IN YOUR HAND, PUT THE SHERRY DOWN AND GO TALK TO THE RELATIVES, or open another bottle of Sherry and don’t talk to the relatives.  Either way is a path to something unhealthy.

We could go over potatoes but everybody has their own way of doing it and they all equally suck.

Cheers! – Mike


Bumper Sticker Of The Day…

Mike:

Yep.

Originally posted on The Last Refuge:

From cartoonist A.F. Branco at ComicallyIncorrect.com.

View original


Crappy People

Let’s have an open, honest, discussion about Crappy People.

I’m not talking about kinda crappy. We all have moments that we look back and think, wow was I crappy just then.  So slipping in and out of crappiness once in a while is OK.  I want to talk about the hard-core crappy.  These are the best of the best at crappiness… the 1% that the occupy types should be protesting.  These include but are not limited to Racists, Homophobes, Thieves, People who park their cart right in the middle of the aisle at Costco… the REAL crappy ones.

The reality associated with Crappy People is that they are being born right now as I tap this out.  Crappy will never go away.  They have always been with us and always will be… regardless of some law we pass or how much we teach our kids to “love” one another instead of math and science in our government schools.  But let me ask a question…

But… Who do these craptastic asshats really hurt?

My experience is they typically remove themselves from the rest of us except during the holidays when they celebrate the ritual of walking very slowly, arm-in-arm, four across at the mall.  (They also scream when they see their compatriots and immediately stop to exchange… pleasantries? recipes? STD’s? while they make sure to block as much of the walk-way as possible.)  If we are on our game we can usually spot these folks (look for the universe revolving around them) and steer clear.  If we’re off our game, we must hope that we remembered to take our sedative prior to venturing out that day.  Personally, I keep a 1.75 liter of Bourbon inside my coat.  I’ve only run out twice.

In the end however, these are not the worst of the worst…

It’s the sneaky ones like the racists, or nationalists and elitists that catch us by surprise.  This has been such a problem to get our minds around we have created laws to “prevent” some of these people from bothering us.  (We haven’t got around to the Elitists yet but I’m working on it just out of “fairness”.) I’ve never understood how you can make a law that changes the way people think, but I’m not the sharpest bowling ball in the deck.  The question remains as to how much damage can these clowns do?

Let’s say, that a really Crappy Race Hater refuses to hire a…  Insert race, religion, sex etc. of your choice.  My choice is, Canadian…  (they’re the worst don’t ya know?).  Our Crappy Race Hater doesn’t speak Canadian and hates all things not quite French and not quite English.  So… this poor chap from Canada is an extremely talented engineer, brilliant even, but doesn’t get the job.  Our race hater instead hires, say, someone like me.  I happened to be sober the day of the interview and I’m not Canadian.  (You can tell by the way I look.) I also couldn’t engineer my way out of a paper bag, but he never asked me.  What more could you want, right?  So who has our CRH hurt?  Only Himself.

My point is that the genuinely Crappy People out there make their own lives terribly difficult without any effort on our part.  These people think the entire world sucks and is out to get them… and they are right but not for the reasons they think.  The truth is the entire world is awesome and we are all out to avoid them.  So.. If you suck you will lose out on the best opportunities and ultimately be avoided by those who don’t suck.  You’ll be resigned to speeding up when I turn on my turn signal because that’s all the power you have left.  You’ll use the word “fair” a lot and talk about how everything is rigged by the “rich” which really means everyone who has something you want.

I advocate giving these idiots a platform for their ideas and musings.  Once they are actually heard, and see the response, they almost always pick up and move to remote areas of Idaho.  Perfect.  I rarely drive, shop or look for work in Idaho.

(Originally posted 012912)


Force

An interesting question came up yesterday.

During a conversation with an associate I was asked to define Socialism.  And, then explain why I think it’s bad.

My response was, “Force.”.

The issue is not that Socialism is difficult to define but rather that so many people demonstrate the mindset through their actions while calling themselves various other things.  Socialists intentionally try to keep you, and themselves, confused… if they didn’t, you would see them for what they are.

It became clear during this conversation that a simple rule would be useful, because the left changes their names with regularity and impunity. The Socialists figured out long ago when people understand what they really stand for, those same people don’t like them. The solution was to keep calling themselves something different… often.

The evolution of names adds up to a long list, from stealing the term “Liberal” to using words like Progressive. You’ll find them labeling themselves Democrats, Moderates, Social Democrats, Republicans and even, hilariously, “No Labels”.  I prefer “Statists” because it lumps them all together… it’s easier for me as I have few brain cells remaining.

It becomes humorous when you think about it… how disliked must you be to have so many names?  Well, criminals do this everyday.  Count the times you’ve watched the news and the police are looking for a guy with fifteen different “AKA’s”?  Criminals, and Liberals, understand that a name follows you around and gets in the way of doing bad things.  Can’t have that.

So how do we identify these people?
The first question you should always ask yourself is… does this person advocate force to be used upon U.S. Citizens in order to acheive their desired goal?

An easy example of the above is:

Is the government forcing me to buy… a bible, a first edition of Audacity of Hope or health insurance?  If so, the person advocating the force is a Socialist.  It doesn’t matter what they call themselves.

And, the law used to force you to do so is Socialist in nature and therefore extra-constitutional.  (OK Lefties – Car insurance does not apply here as you are not forced to buy a car… and even if you choose to, as long as it resides on your private property (say a ranch) you are not forced to have insurance for it.)

If you’re still not sure, then the second question is; Does this person desire to use this force to “nudge” you to the ‘right’ decision, in other words quicker than you might have arrived there on your own…  This is done because the Leftist wielding the force already knows (believes) their answer is the right one and you’re too inept (Stupid) to make the correct decision on your own.

Some historic examples of this are skyrocketing gas prices forced upon us through Federal taxes, and a refusal to utilize our own natural resources, so we can get those cars that run on algae which we have all been dreaming about.  Or, forcing banks to lend you money even though you don’t have a job and you have a history of not paying your bills… this way you can have a house BEFORE you can afford it subsequently causing a GLOBAL financial meltdown.  (Thank you again Barney Frank and Chris Dodd.)

It doesn’t matter what the consequences are, because these people are Brilliant and full of only the best intentions… like forcing people to buy crappy fluorescent light bulbs from a company that donates millions of dollars to their campaign coffers.  Thank God we have such smart folks to take care of us stupid people…

It really is that simple, and this “force” rule can be applied hundreds of times a day. Now that you realize how this works, you’ll be amazed on how it changes the way you see the world. You will also be amazed at the change in how you view people you previously thought you agreed with.

So instead of allowing yourself to succumb to the intentionally confusing and overwhelming number of names and supposed “good intentions” the Left hides behind, you now have an easy way to identify them and their behaviors immediately and clearly even through their denials.  When applied, this rule will identify those Socialists on both sides of the aisle.

In contrast, Free-Market Capitalism requires no force.  None.  All it requires is you making the decision you think is best for you.  Rugged Individualism takes into account that we are all in this together, but it allows YOU to determine if coming together as a group to accomplish a goal is the right thing for you to do… it does not allow for some other person to force you to ‘come together’ and accomplish a goal you disagree with but they think is super cool.

Make no mistake… there is a war going on.  It’s a battle between two very different governing theories… two very different Ideologies.

One is Collectivist in nature.  It’s a number of ideas that sound nice when said aloud but have a very long, sad history of oppression, poverty, death, destruction and failure.  It’s called Democratic Socialism. It’s Force.  The entirety of the Democrat Party, and many in the Republican Party promote this ideology through their actions while denying it to your face.  They work “around” the U.S. Constitution because it is anti-socialist by design.  They call it a “living, breathing document” or “outdated”.  Of course they do, it’s in the way.

The other theory is Enlightened and what this country was founded on.  It’s Liberty and Freedom of the Individual to choose.  It’s a Federal Government Limited by a Constitution.  It’s Free-Market Capitalism that protects not just the Individual, but the Economic health of all of us… together.  There are only a few politicians promoting this ideology but their numbers are increasing as the citizens begin to actively pay attention.  With the Education of the population in regard to these two theories the voters find their way.  Sadly, the contrast is no longer being taught in our Government School System and must be sought out.  But your are seeking it out… to the dismay of the Left.

What should be understood is these two ideologies are mutually exclusive.  Compromise has no place here.  The fact that we have tried to compromise ( link to: Bipartisanshitt) over the last 100 years is exactly what has brought us to the fiscal cliff.  We have strayed very far in deed from our original intent.

It’s time to admit it, double back, and find the right path before it’s too late.

We are very close to “too late”.

(Originally posted 090612)


Joe Wilson Was Right

Mike:

You’d have to be Stupid not to know it’s against the chamber rules to speak the Truth on the floor of the House of Representatives.

Originally posted on Socialism is not the Answer:

American Thinker

On the night of September 9, 2009, a still highly popular President Barack Obama spoke spiritedly to a joint session of Congress.  He had summoned the members of both parties to introduce his plan to transform American health care.

The promises he made that night were many and, to most in the television audience, at least, sounded fresh.  “Nothing in this plan will require you or your employer to change the coverage or the doctor you have,” said the president.  “Let me repeat this: nothing in our plan requires you to change what you have.”

Simmering throughout this litany of disinformation was an obscure five-term South Carolina congressman named Joe Wilson.  When Obama denounced as false the claim that this proposed health care system “would insure legal immigrants,” Wilson could hold his tongue no longer.  “You lie!” he yelled.

Widely chastised at the time, Wilson had to feel…

View original 880 more words


FCC Plans Stealth Internet Tax Increase

Mike:

A ‘Solution’ looking for a problem? Or another example of Lying to the Stupid People because it’s best for them? The internet is doing just fine. It does not need the help of the Government. And to argue it does assumes technology will never improve and Free-Markets don’t work… when demonstrably both have when it comes to the Internet. There is no logical reason to regulate it other than a new revenue stream and controlling content.
It’s ironic that the same kids who “want to get the money out of politics” are behind this initiative. It is the power politicians have to spiff their friends which drives the money into their campaign coffers. Giving the same politicians brand new power over the internet will only serve to drive even MORE money into politics. Yet another case of not seeing the forest for the trees.

Originally posted on pundit from another planet:

net-n

Net neutrality isn’t something we want. It’s a threat to the Internet. It must die.

Some helpful links for those who don’t believe the graphic:

View original 72 more words


Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 235 other followers