In an apparent state of barely contained rage the White House has initiated what could be considered nothing less than an all out assault on the Kremlin. A New Hashtag Campaign has been issued with authority:
#Pleasedonotshootdowncommercialairliners
During this morning’s press conference President Obama also made demands that the ‘evidence’ of the downed flight full of civilians not be ‘tampered with’. And to make sure this does not happen the White House has dispatched the most capable members of the IRS’ IT Department.
According to a classified source close to the event the latest communications intercept after the President’s Press Conference have been inconclusive. According to our source; “We have not been able to discern how the International Community is receiving the President’s message. We have experienced what seems to be a technical glitch in the NSA collection of data and communications. For the last hour all of our intercept sounds like laughing, followed by gasping for air and then more laughing. We are working on the problem and hope to have something more substantive available shortly.”
In a related story, it is rumored the White House is working on several new hashtag offensives.
#Stopcomingacrosstheborderillegallyjustbecauseyougettostayandwewillgiveyoufreestuff
#Theeconomyisrecoveringtheeconomyisrecoveringtheeconomyisrecovering
#Bringbackourcredibility
#Iamnotasocialist
and
#Wearethegovernmentandweareheretohelp
In an attempt to confirm these new, what some may call brave, initiatives State Department Spokesperson Psaki held up a sign with the words ‘Tweet Tweet Tweet’ and gave us a thumbs up.
While we had the Spokesperson’s attention we asked if she might know what the President’s response will be to Israel’s move into Gaza. Ms. Psaki referred us to the White House Spokesperson for an official statement but didn’t think it would be available for several days because she didn’t believe the President has had an opportunity to watch the news recently.
makeaneffort 