A Time for War

We have reached a point that the Only way to Save the World is War.

The White House has made the case for Going to War in their latest Report.

National Aeronautics and Space Administration’s Jet Propulsion Laboratory along with the University of California at Irvine calculated that the glaciers’ retreat may have already “reached the point of no return.”  THE POINT OF NO RETURN!

If we don’t Invade China, Mexico, India, Russia and the entirety of Africa, address overpopulation by annihilating their populations and then install Free-Market Capitalism  and Constitutionally Limited Governments while also eradicating Socialist Ideology from the face of the Earth every last human will perish because of Man Made Global Warming… Cooling… Climate Change… Climate Uncertainty… Inconsistency… Incontinence.

These Countries are the highest producers of CO2, the green house gas directly linked by consensus to Man Made Global Warming, and must be stopped Immediately… Forcefully… Violently.

Because of these Psychopathic Murderous Climate Offenders the Antarctic Ice Caps are melting and there is Nothing We can Do… nothing. NOTHING!  NOTHING!

If we don’t do this RIGHT NOW the first Catastrophe will be a 4ft to 10ft, may be even 100ft, rise in Sea Levels!  (Possibly even 1000ft or 2000ft or 1 Million Feet!  We could flood the moon! We just don’t know!)

I say;

Blood for Beaches!

I for one will Not Stand By living on a World that might not, possibly, be exactly in the same temperature range as it is right now… today… not yesterday or even a hundred years ago… but this very moment (I would want a consensus on that).

I Expect it to stay exactly as it is right now!  And I’m willing to kill to keep it that way!  (Not really, But I would absolutely ask those people in those CO2 Producing Countries to Kill Themselves.  Voluntarily.  Oh, and I prefer a temperature range between 75 and 84 degrees and sunny.  Calm winds.  Low Humidity.  No bugs… can we do something about bugs?  I hate bugs.)

Invasion is our only Hope!

The Earth Depends on it!

Polar Bears Depend on it!

Even you depend on it, not that you matter that much.

When we’re Finished with that…

The Sun is Expanding and We will all be Consumed by Fire, because Humans are Evil, Self-Centered, Greedy, Individualists.

Enter Podesta.

(I vote we throw in France to the above World War.  I realize they’re Nuclear, but it would be easy added value.)

Can we at least get a selfie with a Pound Sign followed by something clever scribbled on a piece of paper?

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“A Monkey with a Hand Grenade”

The Russian Deputy Premier has accused the United States of acting like “A Monkey with a Hand Grenade“.

I take exception to this accusation!

The Obama Administration is Not acting like a Monkey with a Hand Grenade.

This Administration has a proud History of acting like a Poorly Educated, Entitled, Elitist, Egomaniacal, Mao Guerrilla with a Flame Thrower.

Until you Russians get it straight you should just close your Pierogi Hole!

And, I will not Overlook the Blatantly Racist use of “Hand Grenade”.  What are you people?  Rodeo Clowns?

Finally, the last thing I will tolerate is a bunch of Professional Socialists criticizing our “In the Closet” Professional Socialists.

For the record, Ivan, Ours are Way More Socialist than yours!

For instance. Is the SVR collecting every bit of information generated by every single citizen in your country!?

That’s what I thought!

So back off Boris!

Just because you borscht eaters kill a journalist or two doesn’t mean you’re better at oppressing your population and destroying your economy than we are.

If you haven’t noticed, we’re doing just fine over here… even with the journalists.

So why don’t you pull up to the nearest Samovar and pour yourself a steaming hot cup of Shut the F*ck Up.

Or,

I suggest pulling out a fresh bottle of Moskovskaya, pull the tab and watch the show Vlad.

We’ll demonstrate for you a thing or two about how to start a War…  our Liberals are Historically the Best!

Oh… and get some better shoes.  We can spot you guys a mile away from the top of the Cyclone.