My Halloween Costume…

This Year I’ve decided to Frequent all 17 of my favorite Bars and Bowling Ally’s as…

A Narcissistic Nurse!

The basic get up will be a Bicycle helmet, Tight Black yoga pants and a “Hope and Change 2012” button. (I thought about the white clad, sexy nurse, thing but it doesn’t really convey the true horror or instill the level of genuine fear I’m looking for.)

In preparation I spent this morning Sharing needles with a local prostitute. Then I had sex with her… him… hard to tell from the extensive festering sores. I did however ask if I could borrow some of the Atazanvir and Valtrex in his/her jeans pocket.

Not having time to visit West Africa I then decided to head down to the mission and have as many homeless men with respiratory problems cough on me as possible. Just to be sure I wasn’t wasting my time I had them hack directly into my mouth. In fairness, I only allowed 45 minutes of consistent wheezing and hacking before it felt like I had received the attention I was looking for. Wiping my face off, I returned home.

But not before I found sewer grate downtown and gave it a throughout licking.
For the record, I chose that particular one because it smelled most like urine, decay, mixed strangely with skittles.

Once home, I whipped out my wife’s yoga pants and winched them up around my big chunky butt.

I pulled out my light blue pullover and donned my kid’s bicycle helmet.  The Hope and Change button I had to borrow…

Gazing into the mirror I knew I’d achieved my goal.

So tonight I will head out and drink from everyone’s glass…

Share everyone’s food…

And Dance like there’s no tomorrow…

Then I’ll pass out those sweaty, overly long and oddly uncomfortable hugs with abundance!

You might be asking if there is any possibility I could be giving them all gifts that keep on giving?

May be… or may be not.

But it’s not really about them…

Happy Halloween!

I’ll be the one behind you sneezing on your neck.

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Xenophobia

If you don’t already… you will need to know this word.

xenophobia

[ ˌzēnəˈfōbēə, ˌzenə- ]

noun

intense or irrational dislike or fear of people from other countries.

Get ready to be accused of an intense hatred of those from other countries.  It’s coming to a bunch of stories near you.

Why?

Because You’re a Horrible Xenophobe.

Sure your concern about open borders and sophomoric screening of those few who come here legally is based entirely on your health.

Sure you could be so self-centered as to think Rapidly Fatal Diseases flooding into our Country and infecting your children is not a good idea.

And sure you might believe that the access of those who could be infected with such Diseases should be Extremely Limited, if not Halted, until we can get a handle on how we’re going to address these demonstrably Life Destroying Microbes.

All Hogwash!

Truth is, You’re just a Bigot who Hates.  You’re simply using the Lives of Your Children, Family, Friends and Neighbors as an Excuse to behave the way you have Always wanted to.  And that way is to Discriminate against other people who are different.  It doesn’t matter that ‘different’ means infected with a highly contagious, and constantly mutating, form of virus that causes epidemic levels of death.  No… the truth is, you’re a Xenophobe, as well as a Homophobe (if you forgot) and most certainly a Racist.

I’m glad we could get that out-of-the-way.  We all realize Honesty is the best policy.  And we all also know your supposed Fear is only a disguise for your inner drive to be a POS.

So… when your child comes home from school and says a couple of her classmates were taken to the nurses office because they were throwing up blood all over the Mrs. Giacomo’s Class during first period home room… you should remember that it’s no big deal.  Even when it happens again… and again…  Or when little Joey says his best friend has a cough that sounds like the Sea Lion he saw on the Zoo field trip, and it wont stop, so Joey ate his friend’s well coughed on lunch because Ms. Podesta said not to worry, it’s OK.  Just let it go.

And… when you go to the voting booth in few weeks to re-elect your favorite Democrat or Select Republican, who cares more about everything just like you, you should feel good because it was Your Guy who refused to secure the borders as a Demonstration of Their Tolerance and Love of All People … and it was the same Group who currently considers asking individuals coming into the United States from Countries infected with these diseases “Do you have Ebola?” to be ‘highly effective screening measures’ insured to protect you.  Plus, lest you forget, Their Liberal Progressive brilliance Forced Obama Care upon all of us, so now your Insurance Company has had to raise their rates, as well as their deductibles, and or leave your state altogether.  Oh, and you have a new Doctor… who you don’t know… and you can’t get in to see.

Nothing supports sound sleep like knowing the people you support are the Smartest People in the Room… just like you.  And They’re telling you not to worry.

Therefore… You’re not worried.

Because… you recognize Any other behavior would just illustrate an innate bigotry.  This is especially true if you’re White.  Because White People are born that way.  White Devils.

Feel better now that you know the truth that you’re a Racist Xenophobic Hater?

Good.

Oh, and I hear Rum is particularly good at killing Ebola.  You just have to drink a lot of it.  Rubbing it all over your body could help too.

Well… at least that’s what I’m going with.

(As a Note:  I’m not sure what you call someone who discriminates against a person with Ebola… or Pertussis, Tuberculosis, Malaria, Hemorrhagic Fever, Listeria, Lice, An Ax, Who is Covered in Blood, Has a Chainsaw and a mask made of Human Skin, Is Pointing a Gun at You and yelling to everyone that can hear them that they want to kill you… or Zombies… But it would Probably still make you a Xenophobic Hater.  I suggest the Rum.)