Tag Archives: sue

My Halloween Costume…

This Year I’ve decided to Frequent all 17 of my favorite Bars and Bowling Ally’s as…

A Narcissistic Nurse!

The basic get up will be a Bicycle helmet, Tight Black yoga pants and a “Hope and Change 2012” button. (I thought about the white clad, sexy nurse, thing but it doesn’t really convey the true horror or instill the level of genuine fear I’m looking for.)

In preparation I spent this morning Sharing needles with a local prostitute. Then I had sex with her… him… hard to tell from the extensive festering sores. I did however ask if I could borrow some of the Atazanvir and Valtrex in his/her jeans pocket.

Not having time to visit West Africa I then decided to head down to the mission and have as many homeless men with respiratory problems cough on me as possible. Just to be sure I wasn’t wasting my time I had them hack directly into my mouth. In fairness, I only allowed 45 minutes of consistent wheezing and hacking before it felt like I had received the attention I was looking for. Wiping my face off, I returned home.

But not before I found sewer grate downtown and gave it a throughout licking.
For the record, I chose that particular one because it smelled most like urine, decay, mixed strangely with skittles.

Once home, I whipped out my wife’s yoga pants and winched them up around my big chunky butt.

I pulled out my light blue pullover and donned my kid’s bicycle helmet.  The Hope and Change button I had to borrow…

Gazing into the mirror I knew I’d achieved my goal.

So tonight I will head out and drink from everyone’s glass…

Share everyone’s food…

And Dance like there’s no tomorrow…

Then I’ll pass out those sweaty, overly long and oddly uncomfortable hugs with abundance!

You might be asking if there is any possibility I could be giving them all gifts that keep on giving?

May be… or may be not.

But it’s not really about them…

Happy Halloween!

I’ll be the one behind you sneezing on your neck.