The State of 2015

I tuned into the SOTU speech and initially thought I was watching something produced by Aaron Sorkin. Then recognizing the production values were not as good as I would expect from him, I thought I might be seeing something from another country given the rosy state of everything the guy speaking was talking about.  (I even broke out into a few bars of ‘Everything is Awesome‘)

It was only after I noticed what had to be a shiny silver liquor decanter sitting in front of an old orange man just off the left shoulder of the guy speaking that I knew I had the right speech.

I lasted about 10 minutes.

Being told that up is down, black is white and right is wrong only works with me for about that long… and that’s making an effort. It’s possible I lasted a bit longer as I remember the President of the United States taking credit for low gas prices. Much like a serial killer taking credit for all of your good deeds after he decides not to kill you.

I didn’t watch the rest.

So I would rather talk about Deflated Balls.

Look, I know that steroids have played a major role in the NFL, but I just can’t understand how Deflated Balls helps anyone.  Possibly the wide receivers, but then only marginally at best.  How much friction and drag do you actually lose?

Then Yesterday I learned that Tom Brady “liked” deflated balls.  Fine… whatever floats your boat… but again, whatever your thing is should have no place on the football field.  Today Joe Biden chimes in that he also likes ‘a Softer Ball’.  OK Guys… enough already.

Now, apparently, there are all kinds of accusations flying around about the Boston Patriots having Deflated Balls.

I can’t decide if this is just trash talk or frankly stated observations.  If it’s trash talk, save it for the game.  If it’s statements of fact, I think these are issues to be dealt with when the players are ready and then only if they choose to deal with them.  Leave them alone.

So there you have it…

We should all stop talking about Balls.

That’s the State of the Union for the first 3-weeks of 2015.

Deflated Balls… a metaphor?

Kind of sums it up.

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For the Two of You who Will be Watching the State of the Union Speech Tonight…

Here are the most Important Points you will not hear:

1. We made a Mistake attempting to Socialize the Finest Medical System in the World.  We must repeal it before it get’s any worse!
2. It’s Our Fault your Insurance Plan has been eliminated and to replace it with anything close will cost you 3-5 times more money.  Sorry about that.
3. Because of our Monetary Policy, and Soviet Style EPA regulations, Beef, Chicken, Pork, Eggs, Cheese and Milk prices have inflated to astronomical levels, but that’s OK because most of the Occupy Movement still have their parents buying their groceries. Oh, and hey, Rice is still pretty cheap… because we haven’t got that far yet.
4. The dollar you were barely able to save this year is now worth $.25 because we can never, never, never consider spending less so we just keep printing more money.
5. You’re Right.  We allowed that Diplomat and four special operators to die in Benghazi. But, At this point what difference does it make?  (This line should be delivered in a high-pitched screechy voice.)

6.  We do, in fact, conduct IRS audits on those of you who disagree with our Ideology.  So what?  You gonna to do somthin’ bout it?  That’s what I thought.

7.  The NSA will continue to collect as much data as possible on you even though you’ve never done anything wrong… because you just might.  Or we may want to go out with you.  Or refer to #6.

8.  Yes, it’s true, Barney Frank and Chris Dodd, with a little help from Bill Clinton, attempted to collapse our economy by forcing banks to lend money to people who could never pay it back.  It was so remarkably ignorant that we decided to allow Barney and Chris to write the bill to make things even worse.  Because that’s what we do up here.  Oh yeah, and my friend Barney just got a job as a contributor on CNBC!  I know!  It blew me away too!

9.  The DHS is exactly the Federally Controlled Domestic Armed Forces we were never supposed to have.  Ever.

10.  We have never read a single Bill… never.  In addition, we have no intention of doing so.  Frankly most elected officials couldn’t point out what a bill looks like let alone tell you what’s in one.  So stop being ridiculous.

11.  When I tell you “I had No Idea that something was going on.”, I mean it.  I Really have No Idea about what goes on up here.  Seriously.  I Learn everything I know from CNN.  If it wasn’t for those guys and Anthony Bourdain I wouldn’t know where half of the 57 States were even located.  That Bourdain Guy is Cool isn’t he?  And Orca’s are in trouble!  Who knew?

12.  Finally, before we say goodnight I want to share with you, the American People, something we talk about often up here on the Hill.  You have suspected it for decades and it’s time to reveal it to you tonight for the first time!  We, the elected officials and particularly every unelected Bureaucrat in Washington, do indeed believe you folks are too stupid to make decisions for yourself… but we know you’re not watching anyway.  So, Good Night and God Bless.

Oh wait, wait, wait… hold on…  Raise the Minimum Wage!  War on Women!  Immigration! Anyone who opposes me Hates Minorities… and Homosexuals!  And don’t forget, most of you are Racists.

Sorry, Now you can switch back to Big Bang Theory.  Good Night.

(This would be the first time I would win my SOTU Drinking Game with the words I, Me and MY.)

Free Pre-School for Everyone

We want you to have lots of kids, we just don’t want you to raise them… or pay for them, but that’s something else.

It takes a Village to raise your children and we are going to provide that Village.

What you really want is a “free” babysitter so you can go off and do whatever you do that’s more important than raising kids, and we’re okay with that because we want lots of new humans that have been raised in a way that supports our world view… and frankly you’re not smart enough, and sometimes not inclined, to do what we expect you to.

We must also create new jobs for Union Teachers lest the mandatory donations to Liberal Politicians dry up.

So… “Free” Pre-School for everyone.  Because you think “free” exists and that’s how we like it.

Merry Christmas or Happy Birthday… or whatever.

The Inexplicably Absent…

Tonight President Obama will hold his optional State of the Union Address to the Country.

He’s holding it on Lincoln’s Birthday in the hopes that President Lincoln’s greatness will be associated with him.

He will undoubtedly mention President Lincoln in a heavy-handed attempt at moral relativism.

In a way it’s sad that he must resort to such efforts.  But it is indicative of where we are as a Nation under his leadership.

While many of my fellow Anti-Socialists will be focused on what the President offers up for solutions to our continued high unemployment (even after playing with the numbers) and economic malaise, I will be thinking about those who are conspicuously absent with no explanation.

I will be wondering why Ambassador Stevens is not sitting in Michelle Obama’s box.

I will be curious where Tyrone Woods, Glen Doherty, Sean Smith are and exactly why.

I will be interested to see if the President calls out into the audience and thanks any of the other 10 Americans Injured in the Benghazi attack.  Will he ask to the public to forgive him for not having any apparent interest in the Benghazi Assassinations when they were happening… or shortly there after… or now?

I will look for Jaime Zapata and Brian Terry.  Will they be there?  Clearly they will not be.  So will the President take this opportunity to apologize, personally, to the families?  And… will he publicly apologize to the Citizens of Mexico for arming the very Cartels that terrorize their country and have kill thousands of their loved ones?  Is he man enough to admit that up-arming Mexican Drug Lords through his Operation Fast and Furious was a mistake?

I’ll listen carefully for assurances that the President will not continue to kill U.S. Citizens with Drones, combined with a firm statement that such power cannot be possessed by nameless, faceless individuals within our clandestine services let alone the Executive.  I look forward to hearing that oversight by a specific bi-partisan committee of our elected representatives will be immediately implemented.  (If you are one of these Republicans who don’t see this as dangerous… you don’t get it.  It’s not the Drone, it the immense power to unilaterally decide which Citizen lives and dies.)

And, as demonstrated during Fast and Furious as well as Benghazi… the President doesn’t seem to care.

I suppose caring might imply responsibility, and President Obama will certainly not accept any of that.

I guess we’ll have to wait and see…

I’ll have a bottle on Glenfiddich handy.