Tag Archives: over-weight

The Slap Diet!

Diet Series Part V…

“Slap Down that extra Pound!”

This Revolutionary Diet Program offers multiple benefits with our primary goal being quick, and often permanent, weight loss.

The Slap Diet! is comprised of two fundamental components.  First being a historically proven reinforcement method.  Second being a sudden cardio-vascular fitness workout ranging from simply raising your heart rate to full muscle confusion.

Both of these are timed carefully to correspond with YOUR eating habits!

Don’t worry, this Program does not require any modification in the types of food you consume.  (Great for “picky” eaters!)

Here’s how it works:

You sign up with our qualified staff who follow you throughout the day.  (An additional night-time monitoring can be obtained with a slightly higher fee.  Contact your consultant for details.)

Just when you are about to put Food, Drink, Candy etc. into your mouth your dietary consultant will Slap the Crap out of you!

This New and Exciting approach to dietary health will provide you with the time-tested reinforcement historically shown to change your eating habits in a very positive way.  (Technically the reinforcement methods are “negative” but the results are Positive!  Very Positive!)

We have, as the second ancillary benefit, witnessed this progress into full contact fighting! If you have watched any MMA, or Ultimate Fighting, match you immediately realize the cardio-vascular benefit gained through such exercise.

It’s a double-edged approach to your physical health.  This Program is guaranteed to transform you!  It just doesn’t get any better!

Once you have experienced several iterations of the Slap Diet you may want to upgrade your experience…  and we’re here for you.

We offer an enhanced Slap Diet Program for a small, reasonable, Premium.

This Upgraded Program replaces your dietary consultant with anonymous individuals who we have outsourced the responsibility to help keep you on course.

Instead of a single person accompanying you throughout the day, and/or night, there will be complete strangers tasked with “Slapping Down that extra Pound” at the exact moment of your poor decision-making.  The bonus associated with this Premium Package is not having to feel the oppression tied to a single person following you around all the time.  Remarkably, the benefits remain the same… and in many cases become even more effective!  This is because the Premium Slap Package offers you the excitement of spontaneity.  Your Dietary Consultant could be a family member, a close friend or even the guy who just served you that double dip of Mint Chip Ice Cream… You’ll just never know!  It’s our Promise to You!

If you’re interested in this Brand New fully Guaranteed approach to your dietary health, please contact us through the comments section and we’ll customize a plan based specifically on your needs.

If you’re interested in joining our team you are also invited to contact us directly through the comments section.  Applicants compensation will be evaluated based on need and qualifications.  Please be advised, many of our Dietary Consultants work pro-bono and compete for jobs within this program.

Our Motto:  It’s fun for You!  It’s fun for Us!

It’s not just a Snap, it’s a Slap!

So get Slapped Happy today!

Slap Diet!

(“Slap the Crap out of You”, “Slap Diet”, “It’s Fun for You!  It’s Fun for Us!”, “It’s not just a Snap, it’s a Slap!” and “Slap Down that extra Pound!” are all pending Trademarks of DESFM LLC.  All interested parties are required to sign liability waivers absolving DESFM LLC and our Dietary Consulates from any responsibility, harm or permanent mental damage associated with any aspect of employment or participation in the Slap Diet Program.)


The Full Length Mirror Diet

Full Length Mirror Diet.

Of all the diets, this might be my favorite.  It has the important parts, Love and Hate, Joy and Despair, with a heavy dose of truth.

Warning: While this is also an “all you can eat” approach to weight loss, it could be the most difficult for your self-esteem.

There is only one rule:

1.) Every meal MUST be eaten, completely nude while standing in front of a full length mirror.

Don’t get discouraged, it’s OK to cry… in fact, it’s expected.

This is also 100% guaranteed to work regardless of who you are.

Also be aware this Diet could be difficult to follow at work, but once you explain it to your co-workers we are sure they will understand.  Not only that, we’re also pretty sure you’ll get the bathroom all to yourself.

Although, if your blind, you will have to stand in front of another person (Preferably one who doesn’t like you very much.) and have them describe how they feel about what you doing.  You just might want to kill them, but that feeling is letting you know you’re doing it right.  And, you’re blind so you’ll never catch them… anyway that leads me to my next great Diet Plan.  You can Only Eat What You Kill Diet.  This Diet will appear tomorrow.

Enjoy!