Tag Archives: humor

Bumper Nation

(I love the word “Jalopy”.  Originally posted… a while back.)

I’d like to offer up a few suggestions for the Republicans… at least the Republicans that I would vote for, so Fiscal Conservatives… to consider.

I’m a Huge believer in “Simple, Powerful and Direct” when it comes to communicating ideas. The following are what I call “Bumper Strip” statements and could be used as such. Frankly, these could be handed out across the nation and many folks “across party lines” would slap them on their 1980 Volvo. Anyway…

There is a stark difference between a “clever” or “smart” bumper strip and an inane one.

Here are some examples of inane bumper strips you have probably seen on a jalopy in front of you…

“Who would Jesus bomb?” – Well, aside from Sodom and Gomorrah… how about the NAZI’s to stop them from burning Jews?  Stalin, to stop him for killing tens of Millions of his own people?  Mao, for doing the same?  Pol Pot for fertilizing the fields of Cambodia with anyone who could read?  While I could go on I hope I don’t have to.  So are we to read this bumper strip that Jesus would have tolerated such behavior… aside from Sodom and Gomorrah of course.  (May be when he did that he was his Dad?  A different manifestation of himself?  Not around yet, so that was just his Dad?  Around but not in human form?  Better rely on the theologians here… I get so confused.)

“Peace not War” – OK… define Peace.  This one is so stupid it hurts my head.  Who’s definition should we use?  Ghengis Khan’s? Hitler’s? Stalin’s? Kim Jung Un’s?  Bashar Al Assad?  Quadaffi?  Saddam?  Obama?  Bush?  Mine?

“Coexist” – Again… OK.  Even when we fight for the protection of the life and liberty of humans we are “coexisting”, so WTF does this mean?  If it means “Can’t we all just get along?” then “NO… we can’t.”  I will not get along with people like Hitler… Mao… Nasrallah… or anyone else who wishes to subjugate, enslave and/or murder people.

“No Blood for Oil.” – This is ridiculous because the premise is we have an alternative… which we do not.  We’re working on it though.  So, let’s assume we were just a Solar nation… if a bunch of A-holes figured out a way to block out the Sun from shining on our country do you really think we would not go to war?  Of course we would… and of course there will be blood for oil, right up until we have other viable options and then there will be blood for energy.

Again, I hope I’ve made my point here.

A “smart” bumper strip should lead to solid, easy to define, well thought out arguments that can be implemented and are not based on some utopian fantasy.  They should be statements that can easily lead to a conversation based in reality should you walk out to your car and be confronted by an Occupier… assuming you parked in the middle of a drum circle.

The colors should be “black and white”… because the answers to these problems are indeed, black and white.

“Stop Spending, Stop Spending, Stop Spending!”

“We Have No Money!”

“Nobody Owes you Anything.”

“Don’t Like China? Stop Asking Them For Money.”

“Don’t Like Big Oil? Stop Buying It.”

“It’s the Debt Dummy.”

The above should also be used for every interview and essay for the next 10 years.

Just for fun, and just for the rest of us…  If you really want to be provocative in an intelligent way here are some ideas:

“There’s no such thing as a bad teacher, apparently they all are equally inept.”  Which should be in close proximity to “Thank a College Professor if you can read that.”

“I insist on rules for other people.”

“I only vote for people who give me things.”

“I’m your responsibility.”

“Self-sufficiency takes effort, and I’m just not interested.”

“You owe me everything because I’m old.”

“I’m living off of your money!  Ha, ha, ha…”

“I’m not in a hurry… so I’ve decided it’s my job to make sure you’re not either.”

“I’m the person who stops in the middle of the aisle, because I’m important.”

“You’re an idiot!”  (This one is brilliant because if you are an idiot you certainly don’t think you are… and if you’re not you wont be offended.)

“I’m the kind of special that requires a helmet.”  (Not really relevant, I just like it.  And it’s true.)

So fire up Cafe Press and let’s get these out to the masses!  With enough of these we should be able to make sure no-one parks next to us.  Might be just in time for the Holidays!

Of Course the Floor is Open to any ideas you all might have.  I’ll list them all as updates.  Have fun.