Tag Archives: GQ

Slut-Shaming Trump…

Melania-Trump

Fine… it’s time to deal with this.

On the heels of yet more shots of Melania Trump resurfacing (they weren’t exactly hidden), combined with the fact this issue has come up in a recent comment as something ‘mean’ a Ted Cruz PAC did to The Donald in Utah, it is clear there needs to be some Drunken Monkey perspective.

So here it is:

First the Basics…

  1.  All Men Love Beautiful Women.  (The Heterosexual ones may not admit this to their significant other, but it’s true.  And, the only thing better for Heterosexual Males than a Beautiful Woman is more than one Beautiful Woman.  It’s why VHS won out in the 80’s.  But that’s another story.)
  2. All Beautiful Women love Beautiful Women.  (There is the Heterosexual Female Proximity Variable (HFPV) which must be factored into this rule, but the White House, Mar-A-Lago and Trump Tower are far enough away from most Beautiful Women who Love Beautiful Women as to not pose a threat to those Beautiful Women’s immediate fiefdom.)
  3. All Non-Heterosexual Humans Love Beautiful Women… but not necessarily for the same reasons.

With the above rules in mind, the only people who find Smoking Hot Melania Photos offensive (genuinely offensive… ie. they’re offended deep, deep, down while being honest with themselves and not simply ‘being careful’ around those who provide them things they want like sex and food) do not belong to any of the three mentioned groups.

Those few remaining Individuals not belonging to a group mentioned above made their minds up to vote for Hillary… in the 90’s.

I know…  I know…

Theoretically there is a group of individuals who profess that such behavior offends their religious beliefs.

A couple of things on that.

If Smoking Hot pics of Melania offend your religious beliefs, than I personally cannot imagine the world of perpetual offense you must reside in by subjecting yourself to politics in any form.  In the Hierarchy of Offending how does Stunningly Beautiful Pictures of a woman who could be First Lady of the United States (And Admired by three aforementioned very large groups around the World) rank against Up-Arming Mexican Drug Cartels at Taxpayer Expense, Destroying the Greatest Healthcare System on the Planet or Leaving an American Ambassador to Die in Libya while He and his Associates were Desperately Pleading for Help?  I could go on for a few thousand words, but I think you get the point.

Also, the above rules cross religious lines… maybe not vocally, but we’re talking behavior here.

In the end, as it was in Utah, these pictures will do nothing but give The Donald a further bump in the polls…  with a collective but probably very quiet thought of “Damn Dude, Nice Job!” because we like sex and food.

(It’s worth noting the person in charge of the Utah PAC “Make America Awesome” did not belong to the three above outlined groups which is why the Melania Billboard Idea made it out of the conference room.)

Melania 2016!

(Seriously, Where is my Bumper Sticker?)


If There were Ever an Endorsement…

that you should Cherish, it’s this one from John McCain;

“I F*cking Hate You!”, “Him”, “That Guy” or anything remotely along those lines.

This is reportedly how Senator McCain feels about Senator Ted Cruz. I have to confess that I like Cruz once I get past the fact he looks like the illegitimate grandson of LBJ. But now I might actually be “In Love” with Ted Cruz. Anyone who can elicit such a visceral hatred from the poster child for Fascist/Socialist Republicans is a guy I can believe in.

Frankly I’m thinking about sending an inquiry to the McCain Camp asking for a complete list of who he Hates… that would make my decision regarding who to vote for and send money to, much, much easier.  At a minimum it would be a quick reference guide for when I’m busy doing something else, or drunk, and not thinking clearly.

I’m now hoping McCain threatens to stab Rand Paul or drown Mike Lee.

By the way, when you busy yourself destroying the U.S. Constitution and advocating the reduction of Liberty and Freedom of the Individual is when I’m finished thanking you for your service.  Nobody, nobody wants to, or should have to, endure what Senator McCain endured… but that does not give him license to work against what the Founding Fathers fought for and were Gracious enough to leave us with.  Please retire Senator, so I can get back to thanking you.