Tag Archives: baba yaga

Russian Hackers Burned my Toast!

I’m not sure how they did it, but I’ve placed a call into the CIA, the DNC and the British Labor Party demanding answers.

I’m also pretty sure Russian Hackers shot JFK, are causing Korean Pop Music to come from my fillings and the usually large size of tomatoes at the grocery store.

#RussianHackersMakeBaconTasteGood


Flash: Russian Hackers identified as Responsible for Joe Biden’s Hair Plugs.

In an undisclosed Navel Intelligence Briefing, based on information from the NRO, it came to light that Russia successfully attempted to unduly influence Joe Biden’s Hair Restoration Efforts.  James Clapper has indicated he believes the evidence is thin.
This has been confirmed by everyone.

#HairyRussians


Flash: Russian Hackers responsible for Harry Reid saying Stupid things!

A Super Secret FBI evaluation determines Harry Reid is an idiot and fingers Russian Hackers as responsible. James Clapper not convinced. The Director of National Intelligence believes information pointing at anyone other than Reid being responsible for the Senator’s Idiocy is thin. FBI is insulted and is now refusing to speak to the Director of National Intelligence. It is rumored that Clapper is working on an original love song to sing outside of FBI Headquarters in the hopes of repairing what appears to be a seriously damaged relationship. In separate Classified report it has been indicated the CIA has crafted a Mix Tape which they offered to DNI Clapper to play for the FBI, however it was comprised mainly of Russian Techno downloaded from sketchy Eastern European websites.

#FBIYaLyubluTebya


Flash: Russia Responsible for the Crappy Service I received at Burger King!

According to secret DIA assessment Russian Hackers unduly influenced the lack of Mayonnaise on my Whopper when I clearly ordered “Heavy” Mayonnaise on my Whopper. I specifically requested “Heavy” Mayonnaise and it turned out to be “Light” Mayonnaise even though I was told it would be “Heavy” Mayonnaise.

#RussiansattheMayoGate