Brace yourselves for the unavoidable onslaught of Growth Challenged, Poorly Disguised, Elementary Extortionists rap, rap, rapping at your Chamber Door.
I have several suggestions to make this annual episode enjoyable for all.
Parents, dress your kids up like Politicians. It’s far more convincing, and genuinely frightening, than any otherworldly figment of your, or your experience limited child’s, imagination.
Kids, try actually having some tricks up your ridiculously tiny, tiny sleeves. Ask your parents what happens when you mix Salt Peter, Sugar and Charcoal together in the right amounts. I’ll give you a hint… BIG FUN!
Victims, try offering up more imaginative ransom such as Individually Ladled servings of Tomato Soup, Cigarettes, Old Cans of Pumpkin Puree, Dry Pasta (loose) or the Minty Freshness of Skoal chewing tobacco. (Get the individual packets. An entire tin might be a bit much for the littler kids.) How About… Books… of Matches, Sugar Cubes (but only to the fat kids… then watch closely to see of their parents get the irony), Copies of The Watchtower or Discount Coupons to your favorite Tattoo Parlor. (Doesn’t have to be your favorite.) This could also be a good time to clean out the Garage, how much Ironite and how many Fishing Lures do you really need? And of course, who doesn’t have a ‘junk drawer’ full of random crap (treasure) you saved from the last project you never finished. (Kids LOVE that stuff!)
I always start the ‘Holiday’ off with Trick or Drinking.
Trust me, it’s worth it. And your neighbors will think you’re a genius, or more like a Drunk with Possibilities.
2 Comments | tags: all saints day, Halloween, held up at gun point, october 31rst, or else, teaching your kids to beg, Trick or Drinking, what kids like, what should I ahnd out to the kids this year | posted in Humor, Uncategorized
In our Undisclosed Location we have what most of us consider a “Charming” Tradition each October 31st.
‘Tis a time-honored Tradition passed down from generation to generation.
‘Tis a Tradition we would like to share with you…
So, The time has come. Many Cycles of the Moon we have waited… to collect our offerings…
As the Sun is low on All Hallows Eve we wrest our Ceremonial Goblets from the mantle and quietly traverse the path from Hut to Hut…
Trick… or Drinking.
With a slow approach nearing each new abode you can hear the merry jingle of glass decanters eagerly awaiting our impending arrival.
Rap, Rap, Rapping upon the threshold, bright excited eyes greet us and smiles break with the cheery peal of “Trick or Drink!”.
Due enthusiasm erupts as our newly obliged hosts pour each and all a small helping of an alcoholic elixir meeting their fancy. Once all have imbibed, and rejoicing has been had, we set out anew with our merry troop growing by those last visited.
On a short time indeed, and many a dwelling set upon, the troop is now a hoard and the howl a battle cry needing supped. We know no mercy and besiege all those not wary enough to douse their candles.
‘Tis Now, The Entire Village awakes and all are alight with the anticipation of bountiful distilled goodies.
All too are aware that as the twilight slips below the horizon, wee beggars donning the garb of ghouls and goblins shall arrive threatening us for different, far sweeter prizes…
And as soon as it had begun, it is over for a year on… until the next Day before All Saints.
Cheers to you all! And, Happy Halloween!
(In case you’re wondering, the only trick any of us know is lighting your house on fire. You’ve been warned.)
4 Comments | tags: adults only, alcohol, All Hallows Eve, all hollows eve, all saints day, drinking games, drinking glass, getting drunk, Halloween, halloween for adults, no costumes needed, Traditions, Trick or Drinking, Trick or Treat, what to do on halloween | posted in Humor, social issues, Uncategorized
and getting out of jail.
November 1st is the day granted to those long dead to spend some time with us, and us them.
It is the annual opportunity we have to eat and drink… share… swap stories and tell them about our plans for the next year.
So we collect those around us, visit the graves and monuments where those who’ve past-on rest, then throw a party the envy of all.
All Saints, all Day.
It’s a fiesta, a tradition and a ritual.
Just make sure they’re your relatives… you’re Catholic… and you live somewhere they speak Spanish… a lot.
None of the above apply to me.
Got out last night.
5 Comments | tags: all saints day, dio de los muertos, fiesta de los muertos, Halloween, Mexican Jail, November 1st | posted in Humor, Uncategorized