A Big, Fat, Slow 777

Where Oh Where Could You Be?

Why would Anyone Want One?

Well, if you’re a Terrorist A-hole, or a country that Love’s Them, an intact 777 could be very useful.

We have demonstrated a reluctance to shoot down Airliners… for reasons most of us can understand. That is not a mistake most of us would want to have stored in our minds.  Would You want to be That Guy?

So let’s pretend you have a weapon… let’s make it a big one like a Nuke. You know that a Missile can be tracked to it’s origin… but Airliners are everywhere all the time.

Let’s now pretend that you REALLY want to send your Weapon somewhere and set it off. But you’re not so interested in having other people who have Weapons knowing for sure where it came from.

Ok… we’ll go back for a minute. If you’re a terrorist A-hole, or Country that Loves Them, the odds are your Weapon is not the most advanced type. It’s probably Big and possibly Fragile. Even An Aspiring A-Hole might recognize you would need a means of delivery that was Big Enough and Gentle Enough to get your Weapon to where you wanted it to go.  FedEx will not work in this case.

It would also be a Hugh Benefit if the place you wanted to send it was loathe to blow it out of the sky.  Hmmmm….

Throw in the fact that just like Horseshoes and Hand Grenades, Close Counts. (We’re talking about a Nuke here…)

Just Chew on that for a little while and then read about what the Israeli’s are thinking…

(In the End, Flight 370 was hi-jacked because it was loaded with $370 Million in Bit Coin.  Find the Plane… Find the Bit Coin.)

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The Langoliers

(Update:  Has anyone checked with the Somali’s?)

So What Exactly did happen to Flight 370?

Is it possible to make an entire airplane disappear?

Sure it is! I’ve watched David Copperfield do it! OK… may be not. But let’s play Conspiracy Theory!  (You have to say that out loud and draw out the vowels in an extra creepy voice for full effect.  Try it again.)

Much Better.

Now, how do we make a plane disappear?

I’ll leave the Time Eating Monsters to King.

Quantum Teleportation?  Sounds cool right?

Now your probably thinking I’m going to tell you that you can make an entire plane disappear… nope.  But, but, but… you could “defeat the air gap” sending information into the plane’s computer system.  A Quantum Scrambler so to speak.  But that would just make it crash.  Why would you do that unless you were trying to make a point?  Who would want to make that kind of point?

Angry Ex-Wife?

Wouldn’t be the first time.  Speaking of which…

Directed Energy Weapons?

Electro-Magnetic Pulse… We’re all working on it.  May be someone figured it out and has it deployed… Anybody have a large Fleet, or ex-spouse, in the area?  That too would make a point And allow for the plane doing whatever it supposedly did before disappearing.  But that could mean War, and that’s serious…

How about Clowns?

Probably unlikely… but I Hate Clowns, and they are the root cause of All Things Bad.  So it’s possible.  But they usually just steal stuff…

High-Jacking?

Why?  Does anyone think the Chinese are going to pay One Red Yuan for the 20 some Chinese businessmen on board.  To Where?  Even a 777 can’t fly far enough in that part of the world to get anywhere someone would Want to Go.  Unless you enjoy living in places with Malicious Monkeys…

Terrorists?

Someone would have called by now… to claim their place in history.  And… the 777 comes up-armored from the factory.  Unless they used Gas…  Hmmm…  A disgruntled Ex-Boeing Employee?  An Employee named David?

Magic?

As I mentioned, only David Copperfield can do it and he wasn’t aboard.  As far as we know…. actually he’s sitting right here next to me, so I know.  That would be impossible…

Flying Monkeys?

I think this is one of the better theories.  There are a LOT of Monkeys where the plane was flying from.  And… the plane WAS flying.  So… Flying Monkeys.  And They always got the crappy jobs…

The Pilots went on Strike and walked off the Job?

Think about how bad your work environment would have to be to make That kind of Statement.  It must have been terrible.

The Pilots were kidnapped by Flying Monkeys dressed like Clowns so no-one would be suspicious…  all under the employ of Al Qaeda who are angry because of the incessant delays in the Obamacare roll out?

We figured it out!  Simple enough for most of our Network News Correspondents to believe, and easily readable on a teleprompter.

Of course all this is ridiculous and,

All in 500 words or…