“Send Them Your Heads!”

Seeing a Clear Need for a new, more nuanced, Radical Muslim Outreach Campaign, the Obama Administration will be offering a way for the American Public to get behind efforts already being employed.

What will be considered a supplement to Destroying our relationship with Israel, Arming ISIS with Stinger missiles, staying out of ISIS’ way in Middle East and promising a Nuclear Iran, The Obama Administration is crafting a new program called “Send Them Your Heads!”.

The motivation behind this latest taxpayer-funded Muslim Outreach Effort is to allow ISIS, and all of their affiliates, time to work on issues State Department officials deem important in the Middle East like physical, educational and political infrastructure improvements as well as Job Creation. It has been estimated, by all economists everywhere, a Single Minute saved by not having to Set on Fire, Throw off buildings, Stone and Behead Infidels results in a Full Hour of productivity that can be applied to ‘other things’.

If you’re interested in participating in this Outreach Campaign, please contact your local Post Master for packaging and shipping details. (Cost may vary depending on size, weight and distance to recipient.  DHS has also advised participants that having a partner to assist you will be important, and if you cannot find assistance in completing the process they, DHS personnel, will be happy to help.  DHS officials also stated that there is no need to wait for the Administration to get this program approved, and funded, as they expect resistance from the Republican Controlled ‘Do Nothing’ Congress. They have some shipping materials available and will provide them at no cost to qualified applicants.)

According to the issued Press Release, The White House is proud to be promoting the new initiative with the blessings of domestic Muslim advocacy groups in addition to representatives from ISIS, ISIL, IS, Al Qaeda and a number of Iraqi and Syrian ‘community’ organizations among the other Partners in Peace Coalition.

The release also states “Send Them Your Heads!” will be exclusively administered by the Department of Homeland Security and The United States Post Office and will be limited to Legal U.S. citizens only.

When we contacted DHS officials for comment, it was stressed the overall message they wanted to convey is the “Importance of Getting along with those who are different from us. We are all citizens of the World.”

In response to our e-mail inquiry, Postal Representatives claimed to have no knowledge of this new program but stated the importance of following shipping guidelines for human remains.  They said they would prefer packing to be complete prior to participants reaching the postal centers, and guidelines were available at USPS.com for download.

So if you’re one of us, asking yourself “What Can I Do to Make them Like Me?”

Now there’s a way.

(Note: One of the economists we spoke with explained the added benefit to the U.S. unemployment number that will be realized by tangibly removing individuals from the work force. Administration officials declined to comment only giving us a ‘thumbs up’ while holding a poorly drawn sign which stated “#Sendthemyourhead”.)

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About Mike

Background is in Media with a little History Major thrown in just to be annoying. View all posts by Mike

3 responses to ““Send Them Your Heads!”

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