I’m gonna Yelp Your A**!

So, apparently, ‘Yelping’ people is a thing.  Considering the Narcisstick made it big… an app that let’s others know how you feel about them… anonymously… seems obvious.  Why?  Because you’re important.

Clearly this calls for me to get ahead of the curve.

If I’m lucky enough to garner the attention of underwear clad, basement dwelling, porn surfing, 30-year-old success stories still living with their parents…

You should all know that whatever score they have assigned me on Yelp, is too high.

For those of you who have read even one of my foolish missives, you realized immediately that I am an Energetic Idiot with a Shriveled Black Heart. I’m an Hyper-Opinionated-Oxygen-Thief who cannot spell. I’m cruel to a level rarely seen outside of small Socialist Dictatorships and American Public Schools. (Both exceptionally cruel, just in slightly different ways.)  I’m the Sad Drunk Clown at the State Fair who reeks from a mixture of Dark Eyes, Cigarettes, Funnel Cake and Diesel Fuel. I’m that guy on the Motorcycle you never wanted your daughter, and now your son, to marry… but may be your ex-wife. I’m that Creepy Wrinkled Ice Cream Man that’s refreshed by Screaming Children’s Tears. I’m that Shadowy Corner where all the rotten garbage collects and the Heroin Addicts sleep.  And I revel in bringing everyone I meet to my level, because I champion the abysmal.

In the End, I’m the guy who doesn’t have a Facebook page because refusing a friend request doesn’t result in an auto-generated reply containing multiple profanity laced insults. (It’s worth noting years ago I tried the MyFace and simply sent my own original and uniquely degrading friend refusals… but after a couple of days, and several hundred replies, the enjoyment starting wearing off and the ever-increasing work load took its toll.)

So Yelp You, you Mother Yelpers!

Take your new People Yelping app and shove it straight up your Yelp Hole.

Not really…

Frankly, I think this Yelping People thing will be an enormous amount of fun, for me at least…

And if you see me rated…  whatever it is it’s too high.

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About Mike

Background is in Media with a little History Major thrown in just to be annoying. View all posts by Mike

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