So there I was, minding my own business last weekend working on my Side Abs. (Side Ab workouts require intense concentration with access to an unlimited amount of canned beer. And, in case you’re not as hip as I am, “Dad Bod’s” are all the rage… somewhere… for someone… for some reason. Also, The canned beer decreases injuries. but I digress…)
Suddenly a White Trash Party broke out.
About 40 of our closest friends showed up, we rolled the grills out into the street, had hot dogs on a stick dipped in nacho cheese sauce with Roasted Twinkies and the rest is history.
In truth we have about 80 close friends but half of them were smart enough not to participate. Well… my wife has 80 close friends. I have the 3 of you who read this foolishness. (Pleeeease don’t leave me! Pleeease…)
Sitting in front of the Bon Fire we (I) started in front of the house and Closing in on 1am, it dawned on me…
I can’t feel the sparks that are burning holes in my shirt…
Fat, Drunk and Stupid IS a way to go through life.
So far… it’s be my chosen path. Upon calm reflection, there might have been moments of enlightenment I didn’t recognize because I was too focused on a loving embrace of soothingly cool white porcelain known as my Master Bathroom Commode.
I’m also pretty sure I had literally hundreds of these ‘moments of self-actualization’ in College, but I can’t remember. Although, if I had as many as I think I did, I’m also pretty sure I’d be the Buddha… so maybe not. Or! Maybe I Am! And the joke is on the rest of you. Who knows. (It would be a terribly un-funny joke.)
In the End, more like the next morning, I decided that FDS should be considered a disability and therefore eligible for a myriad of Taxpayer Funded Assistance. I definitely needed some assistance… it took a few days, but I feel better now.
I know a number of you already live this life.
However, I also know a number of you are Responsible Human Beings and have chosen a very different path… But…. you would like to live vicariously through Me. Since that is the case, I personally cannot stand by and allow you to be denied what I would consider an honorable indulgence.
If you would like, you may send your checks, cash or money orders to Mike at makeaneffort. Please put FDS LLC in the memo line. I will also accept unopened cases of beer, wine or single malt scotch.
Cases… people… cases. The rest I’ll leave up to you.