Soft and Squishy

You may not know this, but…

Human’s are at a disadvantage because our organs cling to the outside of our skeletons.

So there I was, hanging out with a bunch of naked dudes on the side of a mountain.


Let me start from the beginning.

The weekend was approaching and we didn’t have any plans. Some friends suggested we visit a remote area just a an hour or so away from our house. They told us it was incredibly beautiful.  They said they had been there numerous times and loved it. They also said they would take us there since we had never seen it.  Fair enough… sounded like fun.

Well, the weekend arrives and we pile into their Jeep then head off to find the scenic Hot Springs in question. (Right… Hot Springs. Did I fail to mention that?)

After about an hour of highway-driving we turned off onto what can only be described as a road. I mean that. “Described” as a road.

We endured about five miles of bumps closely resembling Malaysian Jet turbulence, twists, turns and ‘small’ slides to the edge of 100+ ft. sheer drop offs then we arrived at a genuinely breath-taking spot in the mountains.

Climbing out of the truck we had an additional mile or so walk in snow to get to the Springs.

Off we go.

If it wasn’t for my strict exercise regime of 12 oz. curls and smoke inhalation, I probably would have been fine.

It took me slightly longer than everyone else to get up the hill to the Hot Springs.


Upon Summiting, I immediately noticed three things.

1.  It was every bit as beautiful a location as our neighbors described… without question!

2.  The Springs looked like I engineered them with three rusting sewer pipes sticking out of a large concrete box built into the side of a hill… That’s not an endorsement of quality.

3.  There were naked dudes hanging out… in the middle of nowhere.  Well, they were hanging out in the Hot Springs… in the middle of nowhere.  Well, actually they were hanging out… anyway… you get it at this point.

Apparently in contravention to local custom, our party had worn swim-suits under our clothes.  We got down to those.

The rocks were slick.  (The actual, literal, rocks.)  My wife was slightly ahead of me and was carefully working her way down to the spring.  It was clear her footing was not sound.  In true gentlemanly form, one of the naked dudes stood up and took her hand so she wouldn’t slip getting in.


Once we were all in the Spring it dawned on me that it was again, genuinely beautiful.  Except for the naked guys.

Look, I’ve played various sports throughout my life.  I’ve taken more than my fair share of ‘communal’ showers and utilized locker rooms full of naked dudes along the way.  Over all of those experiences it became pretty clear to me that naked dudes were not my thing.  They way I see it, men are just not designed to be attractive naked.  We are designed for a great many other things, but beauty of form is not one of them.  (Fine. I get that Michel Angelo’s David is a stunning piece of work.  But if you try to sell me on the beauty of it… look at the hands and feet.  I’ve seen it up close.  Not so much.)  If you happen to think naked dudes are terrific and that floats your boat… cool.  You probably, probably, would have enjoyed the experience but not have been there with your wife.  But I digress.

So there I was hanging out, but not to the same degree, with what seemed to be a growing number of naked guys in the middle of nowhere enjoying… the scenery?  Yes.  The Scenery.

I couldn’t help but think about what type of person this hillside sausage fest typically attracts.

Again, if you’re a dude who likes naked dudes… I get it.  Enough said.

But after a while I didn’t get the impression that many of these guys were, well, into guys.  In fact I’m pretty sure some of these Danglers believed themselves to be ‘getting closer to nature’.  Or at least they were attempting to act out that idea as some kind of enlightened statement.  (I’m also pretty sure there were a couple of guys who just liked the idea that everyone had no option but to see them without clothes on.  Slightly different kink, but apparently the weather was too cold down at the clothing optional condo/resort… so they headed up to the Springs.)

But why the statement being made in the windy snow-covered mountainside… in the middle of nowhere?

I can only think it’s the misguided idea humans may only ‘get back to their roots’ and ‘commune with nature’ by being naked in it.

This is where I would remind the reader that naked humans died first.  This is still an Axiom.

The very reason we started wearing clothes is…

Human’s are at a disadvantage because our organs cling to the outside of our skeletons.

We are Soft and Squishy… ON THE OUTSIDE.

We are extremely susceptible to Exposure.  We had to compensate for our intolerance’s to temperature, infections resulting from minor tears to our skin, animal attacks, slips, falls, hysterical laughing etc. etc. etc.

Nature Hates Us.

Taking your clothes off out in the Middle of Nowhere Woods is nothing more than a Dare.  (Naked Drum Circles are for the particularly brave.)

And I don’t know if you’ve met Nature, but Daring Her is not advisable.  If She is bored, She will kill you.  Because, well… why not?

So there I was surrounded by naked Hippies and Exhibitionists, possibly a combination of both.  One being misguided and the other just plain creepy, combined they almost cancel each other out like the ‘One Man Band’ guy over on The Pier kinda way…  probably harmless, but don’t let the kids get too close.

Finally, I will also offer that several more women showed up.  None of them got naked.

There is a moral to be found here somewhere.

Something to do with the Smarter of the two sexes…


About Mike

Background is in Media with a little History Major thrown in just to be annoying. View all posts by Mike

6 responses to “Soft and Squishy

  • xPraetorius

    Mike: This caused a genuine, authentic LOL, of the finest kind. Well described. By the way, I’ve done that as well, but never in the buff… and never with your wife.


    — x


    • Mike

      whew… for a moment I thought only a gentleman of your caliber would have stood up to render the assistance my wife needed in such a precarious circumstance… I must confess, I’m glad it wasn’t you.


  • insanitybytes22

    LOL! That was really funny. Hubby and I had a similar adventure, I’ll have to blog about it one of these days. We are all about the naked communing with nature in these parts and I just don’t get it. For one, it’s freezing. Most of try to avoid getting naked as much as possible.

    Even the Indians around these parts clothed themselves and built lovely sweat lodges. People like to come here and claim they’re getting in touch with their native roots. Apparently they’ve never seen pictures of the natives of old with their fur lined coats and boots. Maybe they were thinking South Dakota in the summertime or something? Plains Indians? Near as I can tell, ours have always had the good sense to dress properly.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Mike

      I think for most people there is always the reason behind “the reason”, and they hide the real one because they know it’s not very good.

      It’s kind of like “I really want people to see me naked! But nobody has ever been interested in seeing me naked. But I reeeaaaally waaaaannnt them to… so I’ll go with ‘communing with nature’. Quick, Where are the closest Hot Springs?”

      Liked by 1 person

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