This Year I’ve decided to Frequent all 17 of my favorite Bars and Bowling Ally’s as…
The basic get up will be a Bicycle helmet, Tight Black yoga pants and a “Hope and Change 2012” button. (I thought about the white clad, sexy nurse, thing but it doesn’t really convey the true horror or instill the level of genuine fear I’m looking for.)
In preparation I spent this morning Sharing needles with a local prostitute. Then I had sex with her… him… hard to tell from the extensive festering sores. I did however ask if I could borrow some of the Atazanvir and Valtrex in his/her jeans pocket.
Not having time to visit West Africa I then decided to head down to the mission and have as many homeless men with respiratory problems cough on me as possible. Just to be sure I wasn’t wasting my time I had them hack directly into my mouth. In fairness, I only allowed 45 minutes of consistent wheezing and hacking before it felt like I had received the attention I was looking for. Wiping my face off, I returned home.
But not before I found sewer grate downtown and gave it a throughout licking.
For the record, I chose that particular one because it smelled most like urine, decay, mixed strangely with skittles.
Once home, I whipped out my wife’s yoga pants and winched them up around my big chunky butt.
I pulled out my light blue pullover and donned my kid’s bicycle helmet. The Hope and Change button I had to borrow…
Gazing into the mirror I knew I’d achieved my goal.
So tonight I will head out and drink from everyone’s glass…
Share everyone’s food…
And Dance like there’s no tomorrow…
Then I’ll pass out those sweaty, overly long and oddly uncomfortable hugs with abundance!
You might be asking if there is any possibility I could be giving them all gifts that keep on giving?
May be… or may be not.
But it’s not really about them…
Happy Halloween!
makeaneffort 
November 1st, 2014 at 3:03 pm
This is excellent, Mike! And, yes, that is one scary narcissistic nurse!
Best,
— x
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October 31st, 2014 at 9:46 am
This had me laughing. I’ve been appalled at her behavior. Sure, I wouldn’t want to be quarantined in New Jersey either, but her complete disregard for her community is sad. I can only imagine that the only reason she went to treat Ebola patients is so she can call herself a hero and be all self-congratulatory about it…
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October 31st, 2014 at 9:48 am
The real Heroes are the ones who weren’t trying to be Heroes.
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October 31st, 2014 at 9:38 am
Thanks a lot Mike. I cracked my Halloween makeup! I spent almost an hour this morning getting it just right. Then you had to throw in the skittles part and all of a sudden I’m laughing my ass off.
Make-up cracked, I’m already at work so I cant’ fix it.
I’ll get you for this!
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