New Apple Watch Allows Wearers to Start and Stop the Flow of Time

Ha! And just owning one will make you smarter than everybody else!

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apple watch humor

Tim Cook announced Tuesday the release of Apple’s long-rumored watch, the latest in wearable technology. 

Here are some features of the new device:

  • 13-megapixel camera enables users to take crystal-clear pictures of wrist
  • Allows wearers to start and stop the flow of time
  • Discreet, but not so discreet that anyone would mistake it for a regular watch
  • Comes in a variety of colors and styles to express your personal submission to the planet’s dominant tech company
  • Adjustable ticking volume
  • All the convenience of a traditional watch that needs to be charged every 12 hours
  • Built-in thinkpiece regarding the increased connectivity yet simultaneous isolation of the millennial generation
  • Small size and intricate circuitry able to drive twice as many Chinese workers to suicide as iPhone
  • Makes it easier for muggers to see whether or not you’re carrying an expensive electronic device
  • Another screen to throw into your current rotation of things…

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About Mike

Background is in Media with a little History Major thrown in just to be annoying. View all posts by Mike

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