UPDATE: It has come to our attention that President Obama has reached out to the National Security Agency regarding the events in the Middle East.
In an unusual move, the NSA has released a public statement upon receiving the request;
“Reviewing the President’s request for intelligence on the latest events in Syria and Iraq it is important to remind the White House that our primary focus is keeping the Government safe from the Citizens of the United States. All of our energy and resources are dedicated to that mission. We have no useful intelligence regarding ISIS or any group, or individual, overseas. We recommend contacting CNN.” – NSA
This morning President Obama has called an emergency meeting of his National Security Team.
According to reports the President has had a Big Screen TV delivered to the White House for the meeting. The inside sources have confirmed the delivery of the TV and have told us it has been tuned to CNN for the purpose of informing the President about what is going on in the Middle East.
At this very moment the entire National Security Team is reported to be huddled around the TV so they can also learn what is going on in the Middle East.
Once the President, and his team, has been fully briefed by CNN it is anticipated he will make an announcement about what he might do…
One of the options offered by Susan Rice, the Obama National Security Advisor, is to order an IRS audit of ISIS, aka Al Qaeda, as there is probably some malfeasance associated with the name change and a possible connection to the TEA Party conservatives.
It is also rumored that the National Security Team is actively searching YouTube for any Videos which would have prompted the ISIS actions in the Middle East. However, upon our attempt to verify this rumor we have been informed by Google that there has been a computer crash and those videos, if they existed, may be lost forever.
We will continue to watch closely as the United States is caught up to speed for the very first time regarding the events occurring in Syria and Iraq.
(Our sources have also indicated that the constant changing of names by Al Qaeda has been very confusing for the President. They have told us that the President had decided Al Qaeda was ‘on the run’ and someone should get this information to Al Qaeda as quickly as possible. The President has also indicated the inherent injustice of changing names when US policy has been based on the Al Qaeda Label.)