Only Eat What You Kill Diet!

Diet Series Part IV

For those of you who found DESFM and Full Length Mirror too restrictive, I want to introduce you to the…

Only Eat What You Kill Diet

This companion piece is also a proven path to weight loss.  Guaranteeeeeeed!

While this diet is slightly more labor intensive than the DESFM diet, it is an all you can eat approach to losing weight.

Here you go;

1.)  If you’re putting it into your mouth, you must have personally killed it… with your bare hands.

2.)  Eat as much as you want… so long as you killed it… with your bare hands.

3.)  Repeat steps 1 and 2.

We have found that this dietary system is particularly effective for Urban Dwellers.  So instead of feeding the Flying Rats in Central Park, you’ll be trying to eat them. Everybody wins!  Having a hard time in the park?  Head to the Subway…

So, if you want a steak… find a cow.  If you want a tomato… find a vine.  Flour? – Wheat Field. etc.  Pickles?  Nope, just a cucumber you killed.  Get it?

Simple enough.

This diet can also be used in conjunction with the Bourbon Diet.  Because nothing says “good hunting” like the smell of alcohol on your breath.  (Not recommended by any responsible person.)  This diet can also be used in conjunction with the sport of Elk Boxing.  As a Extra Bonus, You might find the combination of bloody hands and the smell of alcohol aids in avoiding all those uncomfortable daily social interactions.  Don’t worry, we wont charge you!

I will eventually address The “No Processed Food” and “No Hands” diets, but for the moment this concludes the makeaneffort dietary program.  Go and be lighter.

Cheers!

And, You’re Welcome.

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About Mike

Background is in Media with a little History Major thrown in just to be annoying. View all posts by Mike

2 responses to “Only Eat What You Kill Diet!

  • insanitybytes22

    Oh, I like this diet. I don’t want to frighten the neighbors, but I have been known to murder a cucumber or two. If it’s fish or small game, I suspect one of my feral children could handle it.

    I should probably just stick to your mirror diet, except that one makes me want to kill things, too.

    Like

    • Mike

      Oh! Good Point! This could be very effectively used with the Full Length Mirror Diet. There might even be an added benefit by combining the Kill What you Eat Diet and then… then… doing the Full Length Mirror Diet in your front window so the Neighbors can see just how successful your efforts are!

      Like

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