The New Terror

Where is Homeland Security when we need them?

There is a terror threat so pervasive and insidious that it’s wreaking immeasurable death, destruction and economic havoc throughout the United States.  They are living among us with apparent immunity.  We are all in danger.  Nowhere is safe.  And, nobody is doing anything about it.

Of course I’m talking about the “5 -under’s”.

The terrorist handbook has been rewritten to include a new form of attack so deadly and covert as to go almost unnoticed.  Here’s is what they do;

1. Buy or rent a car.

2. Drive it on public roads at 5 miles an hour slower than the posted speed limit.

The path of destruction is there for all to see.  I imagine all of you reading this have been victims of these radicals.  The damage these individuals inflict upon all of us takes an incredible toll.  From the accidents directly caused by having to quickly negotiate your way around them to the added economic damage associated with brake pad and tire wear.  There is no accounting for the effect on the price of goods because of over-the-road carriers having to deal with these terrorists.  Even a cursory evaluation should have alerted our police forces to this danger… so where are they?

It’s not as if these new terrorists are difficult to spot… first off, they’re driving 5 miles an hour slowing than anybody else.  Second, they typically cannot see completely over the steering wheel or are communicating with their co-conspirators via text messaging.  And Finally, they have what appears to be an intense desire to be in front of you.

For God’s sake… stop the horror!

It seems simple enough to deal with.  Pull these villains over, remove them from their vehicle and then light the car on fire.  Not only would this be a terrific deterrent, it would also be highly visible from miles away.  This overt enforcement alone would allow the taxpayers to know their money is being put to good use.  I would even be okay with an additional bounty payable to our local law enforcement for each one taken off the road.

If Homeland Security was serious about saving lives and stopping economic attacks upon this country these terrorists would be immediately moved to the most wanted list.

(Since posting this it has been brought to my attention from a number of people that I have left out several additional tactics employed by the 5-under terrorists.  These include, but are not limited to, using their turn signal minutes or hours before actually executing a turn.  They will also make a right turn out of the far left lane and left turn out fo the far right lane.  And finally they will slow way down if the light has been green “too long”…)